blaaake maaakes mitch twitch

blaaake has written a lot of icky letters from jail over the past months, but this time he might have gone too far. mitch winehouse claims he received a 6-page letter from blaaake rife with violent threats and abuse. the letter is now in the hands of police; a source close to mitch says:

“I could hear Mitch physically shaking when he phoned to tell me about the letter...He couldn’t even bring himself to read it out loud as it was just too sickening...But he told me that Blake described graphic scenes from a horror movie, in which Mitch is the victim...Part of Mitch wants to pursue this further with the police, maybe even taking out a restraining order...But then he is worried about it all driving a wedge between him and Amy.”

the question is: whose side will wino be on? her father's or her waste-of-space husband's? i'd like to think she'd side with the former, but something tells me she'd stand by her blaaake and make excuses. "he's just creative, dad! he wants to write a screenplay, don't you know? he just wanted some feedback!"

BLAAAKE'S POISON PEN STRIKES AGAIN

fielder-civil prison blues

when it comes to the imprisoned blaaake story, there are more flip-flops than a beach in miami. turns out blaaake will NOT be released from jail early- edmund's hill prison has rejected his application.

georgette had this to say:

“Blake and Amy are devastated and I am livid...The Probation Service told us they were happy for him to live with us and we expected him home. Now they have told Blake he will either have go to rehab or a hostel or stay in prison until he completes his sentence. It’s a disgrace...I am going to take my protest to the Home Secretary. I’m going to get my Blake home.”

protest what? blaaake completing his sentence? like the home secretary gives a crap about some spoiled rock star husband!

BLAAAKE TO COMPLETE SENTENCE

sweet reunion, jamaica and spain, we're like how we were again...

winehousewatchers, hold on to your macs and hats: it looks like sid's about to be reunited with her nancy!! blaaake is getting out of jail early! he's finally agreed to the conditions of living with mom, wearing an electronic tag and keeping to a 7pm curfew. blaaake's master plan is to take a daily cab to and from georgette's house 280 miles from camden, costing approx. £894.40. he might as well buy himself a private jet for that kind of cash- a week of trips would cost £6,260.80, almost $13,000 US dollars.

a source says:

“Amy is obviously chuffed. But more surprisingly, even her family and friends are pleased...Because Blake will have to lead this disciplined life to keep in line with his conditions of release they are hoping it will rub off on her too...He has to be back at his mum’s every evening — and he’s so jealous and controlling he won’t want her up to no good without him.”

what!? sheeya, right! the winehouses must be the most naive group of people in london. blaaake will kiss his wife hello and within seconds he'll be high off her fumes.

"Amy has had so many letdowns over the past few months. One minute she’s told he is coming out, then he’s not...Once he’s out he had better behave. A single breach of his curfew could have him whisked back into prison.”

i can see it now. georgette will nag him to clean his room and pick up his towels. wino will drive him mental with her shenanigans. he'll be so exhausted dealing with two crazy women he'll miss his curfew on purpose to return to his jail cell for some peace, quiet and good drugs.

HE WANTS TO BLAAAKE FREE!

jailhouse crack rock

if the residents of camden hear tortured howls of "blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!" ringing through the air tonight, they can blame everyone's favourite crap husband, blake fielder-civil. edmund's hill prison's offer of early release on the condition of entering rehab has been refused, demonstrating blaaake's firm commitment to wino's anthem.

a source says:

"This will be another blow for her. Blake could have gone to rehab and sorted himself out but would rather see out his sentence in prison...All he wants is a free reign when he leaves, which means living with Amy back in Camden...But if he is turning down these chances to leave jail and get clean, it doesn’t bode well for him and Amy when he finally does get out."

blaaake is so stupid. he could have gotten out of jail, paid lip service to rehab and be back in amy's scraggly arms before the leaves fall. together, they could have happily huffed fake snow whilst decorating their crack den in homemade tinfoil ornaments.

BLAAAKE REFUSES RELEASE ONCE AGAIN

naked jail blaaake

waking up this morning to the sun's article about wino posting a naked shot of blaaake online was a bigger jolt than a quadruple espresso. you can also read about it on dlisted, which might make you spit out any morning beverage.

but that's not all in blaaake news! it gets better! apparently mr. fielder-civil has chosen to STAY IN JAIL rather than be released with conditions including staying at his mom georgette's house, following a 7pm curfew and wearing an electronic tag. officials were all ready to release him today but he is much happier in his cell. a source said:

"It was all set for him to be released, but he refused to go to anywhere other than Camden...He doesn’t want to go somewhere where he can’t be reunited with Amy and his friends. He’d rather stay inside."

just yesterday they said he failed a drug test. today they were ready to release him but he said, "no no no". something is not right here...does this mean the media sometimes, um, LIES!?

BLAAAKE PREFERS JAIL TO MOM'S HOUSE

wake up alone

wino's beehive will be her new year's eve date after all. blaaake has failed a random jailhouse drug test and will be spending an extra 28 days inside.

amy is reported to be "heartbroken".

BLAAAKE STAYS IN JAIL

i heart typing "blaaake"

georgette had a lot to say about amy and blaaake to the news of the world, so much so i had to split the article's contents into two posts. that's a lie; the truth is i like to get in as many "blaaake" items in as possible. there is nothing more satisfying than typing blaaake. my pinky finger loves the little dance that typing 3 a's in a row requires. blaaake! blaaake! blaaake! wheee! thanks again, dlisted!

anyway, it sounds like a vacation in blaaake's new cell. georgette says:

“Blake’s been given his own room with an ensuite shower...He also has a TV, CD player and a shelf full of books in his room...He even has his own key so he can lock himself in if he wants privacy...It’s so much nicer than Pentonville, which was the pitts...Edmunds Hill is a really clean and lovely nick...And the difference in Blake since he’s been in there is absolutely amazing...Unlike in Pentonville, no one taunts him about Amy...They are respectful and don’t even mention her name to him...Instead of doing work in prison, Blake has chosen to do an educational course to keep him busy and is doing art and writing...They are preparing him for life on the outside...But he will be very disappointed with Amy’s behaviour...The video will come as a bitter blow to him.”

ensuite shower, tv, cd player, shelf full of books...sounds better than most dorm rooms! my first apartment was a shit hole compared to blaaake's prison mansion. i once lived in an apartment with a tv so crappy it had no remote and you had to stroke it * just * right to turn the volume up/down. and i considered myself lucky to watch fuzzy episodes of the simpsons on sundays. blaaake probably has a remote even though he can reach the tv from his bed.

although i'm pretty liberal, it annoys me to hear about convicts taking advantage of free education in jail when it's so expensive for the rest of us law abiding citizens. but judging from blaaake's sexy fun time letters to a fellow jailbird, he could use some lessons in grammar.

GEORGETTE CAN'T STOP TALKING

auld lang wine

mark your calenders! blaaake could be out of jail in time for new year! georgette fielder-civil says:

"We’re hoping that his probation officer will advise him to stay with us. If he’s linked with drugs on his weekend visit he will lose the right to come out early...He will be released on December 30 if he’s a good boy. I’ve told him to keep his head down.”

stay with mum and step-dad? no way! wino will wrap her tattooed arms around blaaake's skinny torso and drag him everywhere she goes. blaaake will be transported from one clinch to another!

BLAAAKE OUT BY NEW YEAR

le freak, so chic

it's hard inside for a pimp. blaaake will be transferred to a jail in suffolk at his request.

THE SUN reports:

"Blake recently tore down pictures of Amy from his cell walls. And warders feared he might top himself after he burst into floods of tears and screamed: “Why me?”...He has been having counselling from Samaritans but begged staff to move him from Pentonville because he felt suicidal. "

ooo, a good old fashioned jail cell freakout. now that's rock n roll!

psychologists should add "giving up mopping" to their list of early indicators of a breakdown. i apologize for having mocked in a previous post the pentonville prison source/genius. next time i visit someone i love and they have a dirty kitchen floor, i will ask some gentle questions.

wino is apparently searching for a flat to be closer to blaaake. i'm sure her new small town neighbours are going to just love the circus.

AMY SEARCHES FOR SMALL TOWN FLAT

off the mop

blaaake is depressed in jail! omg! what has he done to display his angst? has he cut himself/overdosed/written suicide notes!?

no, my friends, it's even worse!

HE'S OFF THE MOP!

a source at London’s Pentonville Prison said:

“Blake is on the verge of a nervous breakdown...He has stopped his mopping job, which may sound funny, but it gave him something to do. Instead he mopes around his cell."

yes, source at London's Pentonville Prison, it DOES sound funny. ceasing to mop endless jailhouse floors does not indicate a nervous breakdown. blaaake probably has a new penpal to write dirty letters to or has reached the climax of a michael crichton novel.

MOPING BLAKE IS OFF MOP DUTY

blaaake begs amy to leave london

yes! only 24 hours into winehousewatch and i have the distinct honour of posting a "blaaake" item! dlisted, that bastion of celebrity gossip, coined the triple-a monicker for fielder-civil, and there's no going back to spelling blake with one A! "blaaake" is an onomatopoeia! "blaaake" is jazz poetry!

anyway, according to mirror.co.uk, mitch winehouse, shy, private man that he is, had this to say:

"Blake totally gets it. He said to me, 'We can't carry on living in London. We need to move out to the country'...If they do they could have the most fantastic life together, with the full blessing of my family. Whatever happens, we won't be where we are now in two years' time."

mitch also claims that amy and blaaake have a pre-nup. let's all exhale a collective sigh of cigarette smoke.

apparently blaaake and mitch have called a truce, agreeing that "taking Amy away from the bad influences that surround her in the city is the only way to rescue her." awwww. the love.

BLAAAKE BEGS AMY TO LEAVE LONDON