...just like brian wilson did...

our heroine has finally said "screw you world" and taken to her bed. aw, poor girl. she missed her DJ set at the monarch pub last thursday night, saying she was bedridden. a source says:

"She's always showed up when she's been down to play here before, but apparently tonight she can't get out of bed. She's been looking so thin and haggard lately, it's a real worry."

in other depressing wino news, it has been rumoured that she has completely stopped working on her third album because she hasn't written any worthwhile songs. le sigh.

ALBUM #3 ON HOLD

WINO LIES IN BED

wino be jammin'

be prepared for your eyes, ears and subconscious mind to be assaulted. this youtube clip has been online for a few months but is picking up steam, having appeared lately on a few blogs (including perez hilton). it features wino jamming in her studio with a family of leeches, um, i mean some friends.

there are so many disturbing elements to this clip: wino's distended stomach, the glee in the voices of the hangers-on as they start the tape, the lonely xylophone guy...it's like a freaky post-modern german horror film with a really bad soundtrack. watch and judge, my pretties, but only if you're in a strong state of mind. if you're feeling even remotely fragile, this will send you directly to bed for a nap.

alien amy

i'm a little nervous posting about scientology- they, like all organized churches, give me the heebs something fierce. scientology isn't much different from any other church who preys on the weak to boost their numbers. the christians pray to a big man in the sky, the scientologists believe in aliens. they both ask for money...same room, different colour, isn't it?

anyway, it has been reported that the church of scientology has contacted our heroine. a source says:

“She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album...They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.”

drying out with the help of scientology is a lot of work. first, the addict is given vitamin cocktails (mmm cocktails!). next, they are given a series of saunas and put on a "detox diet". finally, they have to work through self-help books. if wino did go through it, imagine how much those workbooks would be worth in the future!

TOM CRUISE WANTS WINO

"i can't believe what has happened to me. i am so sad"

more disturbing details on wino's "end of summer" fiasco have emerged. someone needs to sit her down and make her watch "the rose", "la vie en rose" and "lady sings the blues" on continuous loop until a lightbulb goes off in her head.

wino had dionne bromfield, her 12 year old god daughter, replace her at this big-assed gig because she couldn't face performing. she joined dionne on stage, uttering a few grunts resembling backups and clutching her god-awful shorts. then, amy skulked across the stage bellowing, "This is Dionne, everyone, Dionne. Remember this f****** name, you don’t f****** know.” after only a few songs, wino became so emotional she dragged the girl off before it was over! weeping backstage and clutching dionne in her scraggly arms, she made the following statements to journalists;

“I was more nervous about the gig than Dionne. I couldn’t even leave the house without her.It was so emotional being on stage with her...I got so upset I started crying and had to drag her off...I love her. She’s f****** amazing.”

“When I look at Dionne she reminds me of myself. I used to be this little girl who liked Celine Dion and singing, this beautiful sweet girl with innocent dreams...Look where I am now. Look what happened to my dreams. This isn’t a life – I’m a mess, look at me...But this girl has everything ahead of her. She’s so beautiful and she reminds me so much of myself...This beautiful happy girl, she is so much like I used to be. I don’t want to leave her alone. I can’t believe what has happened to me. I am so sad.”

wino listened to celine dion? ew! she then made the obligatory reference to her blaaake;

“Dionne doesn’t have a boyfriend, she doesn't have a Blake to mess her up. She’s sweet and should stay like that...What life do I have? My life begins when Blake gets out of prison. He is my life, I want to see him.”

and so it went. now, our heroine's friends are so concerned they are setting up camp camden. a source says;

“No one wants to leave Amy on her own — she’s in a very fragile state at the moment...Her most loyal friends are terrified she is going to do something which she can’t overcome...She’s been to hell and back already but some fear she’s going to get worse before she gets better."

am i stating the obvious when i say ROCK N ROLL INTERVENTION? get bowie, jagger, iggy pop, dave gahan, courteney love, clapton, david crosby and ozzy together and storm that apartment!

WINO: "I AM SO SAD"

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE

vomit comet

ok. there is a line that we as humans agree not to cross. that line is imposing our bodily fluids on strangers.

wino, our dear, misguided heroine, has crossed that line. Employees at Harvey Nichols were disgusted to find amy had returned 25,000 pounds of clothing caked in vomit.

an insider says:

“Unfortunately, while wearing one of the frocks, she went on an all-night bender...She ended up in the loos, where she was violently sick. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty...She eventually couriered them back on Monday, but didn’t wrap them separately. So sick had gone on all the clothes...Even worse, green, furry mould had developed on some gowns, making them unwearable...The store publicists weren’t best pleased. They send stuff out to celebs all the time, but it never gets into such a state...I doubt Amy will be sent any more designer gear for a while and the store has now asked for its £25k back."

*sigh* i'm at a loss for words, my darlings. how can someone who wrote something as divine as "wake up alone" be so disgusting? this is the sign of a person who no longer gives a shit.

WINO PUKES ON DESIGNER CLOTHES

wino's next album: chinese democracy?

eeeekkk!!! i was attempting to find pics of wino in the studio and THIS is what kept coming up...wino in the woods! i post it to remind us all to say no to hard drugs. next time you're at a party and some "U4-ia" (sly vintage 90210 reference, nudge nudge) is offered, think of wino and just say no. smoke a little green, drink a bottle of red wine, smoke a pack of camels; you'll feel shitty the next day, but you won't be wino'ed.

nonetheless, i've neglected winehousewatch in recent days; there's been very little news and quite frankly, i don't want to waste your time with too much nonsense. however, after reading that our heroine has produced only two unfinished tracks after 6 months in the studio, i am vexed.

a source says:

"With all the problems surrounding her personal issues and addictions we are really concerned it will never get finished. If six months produces two half-baked tracks how long will an album take?...Unless she sorts herself out and gets some focus it might never happen."

is wino destined to be like axel rose, working tirelessly at an album that will never see the light of day? worst of all, will 'frank' and 'back to black' be the only winehouse albums we the public will ever know? no! it would be tragic!

WINO'S "CHINESE DEMOCRACY"

i can't help you, if you won't...help yourself...

last night, our heroine arrived 2 hours late to her DJ set at the monarch pub looking like a dog's breakfast. she left the club at 3 30 am, wobbling and stumbling into the street until friends urged her into a cab. a source reports:

"The pub was packed at first, until people started to get restless. Many decided to leave before Amy arrived, which left the pub looking quite empty...She didn't greet the crowd when she finally appeared. After playing two songs, she mumbled into the mic, 'thanks for coming down, much obliged'"

i've found a plethora of frightening pics from wino's night out. jesus god man, she looks terrible. thanks to dlisted and the sun for the shots.


RAVAGED WINO

scooby-duvet-doo

wino partied like it's 1999 after her bestival gig (with 48 bottles of jack on the rider), so much so the wellington hotel kicked her out. the hotel claims that wino did 5,000 pounds worth of damage by burning furniture with cigarette butts and covering carpets with booze.

a source said:

"Amy was a total mess. She couldn’t manage to walk to the car so they had to wrap her in a duvet."

ew! i don't even want to imagine the state of that duvet- i pity the person in her entourage who had to shove it into an itty-bitty british laundry machine.

WINO WRECKS HOTEL ROOM

bestival for the restival

i apologize to my small readership for not reporting on wino's bestival performance, but quite frankly, there isn't much to say. she showed up late, played a short set, seemed out of it. i've scoured the net and can't find any videoclips. so here's tim jonze's review for the guardian, and i believe this is verbatim...

Who: Amy Winehouse

Dress code: Nautical but nice - the band are all decked out like sailors, while Wino sings ("sings") from behind a ship's steering wheel.

Who's watching: The biggest crowd of the festival so far - and most of them are clearly here for the car crash.

In a nutshell: OK, so I'm one of about three people on earth who watched The Wino play Glastonbury this year and came back proclaiming it a triumph. But if Guardian blog commenters thought that was a bad show, they should have seen this. Admittedly, things got better. They had to - the first song (Addicted, I think) was barely recognisable, thanks to the fact Amy only sang about 23% of the lyrics. But even when she got her voice back, the whole thing felt a bit nasty, overstepping the increasingly thin line between troubled genius and total shambles. Maybe if we hadn't just spent an hour dancing to Hot Chip, whose rave-tastic set blew the mud halfway to Newport, it wouldn't have seemed so bad. But we had, and in comparison to that, a set of half-sung Sam Cooke and Zutons covers from a woman who could barely stand-up straight didn't exactly top off the night in style.

Bestival: She turned up, she played, there was no riot.

Worstival: The wait for her to get onstage - about 80 minutes, but it felt like hours.

NME's TAKE ON BESTIVAL

48 bottles of jack on the rider...

wino has requested a staggering 48 bottles of jack daniels for her bestival gig.

a source tells the sun:

"...It’s common for artists to make requests for food and beverages before they arrive. ...But organisers have heard Miss Winehouse has ordered in an extremely large amount of Jack Daniel’s, in fact, a ridiculous amount that she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay...Everyone is really excited about getting Amy to perform here, and naturally there are now fears she is planning something wild..."

am i evil to rub my hands with glee in anticipation over the youtube clips in my future?

BACK TO JACK

WTF wino: valerie, some london pub, 2008

in order to keep this blog fresh and exciting for all 3 of you reading, i sift through a lot of winehouse material. some days, it feels like i've seen it all and think there can't possibly be any more shockingly bad clips of wino making a sad fool of herself in public.

and then there are days like today.

this clip of wino givin'er with the band is a classic fall down drunk performance. (hey, we've all been there- i know i've slobbered over a microphone at karaoke or in some blues bar in my youth) i'm not criticizing wino for getting shit-faced if she wants to...but she needs to stop getting on stage in this state when everything she does is captured on camera! this is just madness. the last minute is sheer torture, it is cringe-worthy.

after watching the previous all my loving clip, this one makes me want to cry. get some help wino! listen to russell and go to rehab!

party at wino's

this is what happens to a person after only 3 hours inside wino's camden crack den. sadie frost (fashionista/jude law's ex/actress) went to visit amy stone cold sober and reappeared completely wasted! on a monday night! gotta love these hardcore brits!

here sadie emerges with kristian marr...check out his eyes. there's no question he'll be picking up a curry takeaway on the way home.

i'm jealous! i wanna party at wino's! it looks like a good old fashioned 70s style shindig complete with cigarettes, hard liquor, a bong shaped like a buddha, coke on mirrors, led zep on the stereo and late night jiffy pop!

SADIE'S BEEN WINO-ED

back to black & tan

it's still too early for youtube clips of yesterday's V festival (give it a few days), but the press has been not so flattering about wino's performance/appearance.

the daily mail reports:

Looking sallow-faced and grubby with dark smears of make-up around her eyes, she coughed and spluttered her way through the set, forgetting the words to Back to Black and mumbling to herself between songs...Amy dedicated Wake Up Alone to husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who is serving a 27-month prison sentence, which prompted a smattering of boos from the crowd.

a shout out to blaaake is an integral part of a winehouse gig...and so are the boos, it seems. but what is the deal with the smeared fake tan? junkies don't have tans! kurt cobain, the entire cast of trainspotting, early 90s calvin klein models: no tans in sight.

AMY LOOKS BAD

i told you i was trouble...

isn't she precious? wino is up to her old tricks again. last night, she punched fans who stupidly try to touch her or take cell phone pics, attempted to escape from her own entourage and bought strange, random items from convenience stores.

amy was attending a fundraiser for the hawley arms pub, a favourite haunt of hers that was damaged in the camden fire earlier this year. she dressed up for the occasion, smearing herself with fake tanner and donning her classic ballet pumps.

i feel a bit sorry for the fan who reached out to touch her arm and ask how she was (see the video here), but at this same time, she should know better! if i were anywhere near wino i would take 5 steps back and adopt a fencing stance.

seriouly though, our heroine needs to get off the booze and hard drugs and start smoking weed again. at least she'd be less crabby and might eat something once in awhile. sheesh.

CAMDEN'S WILD CHILD

ON THE ATTACK

auld lang wine

mark your calenders! blaaake could be out of jail in time for new year! georgette fielder-civil says:

"We’re hoping that his probation officer will advise him to stay with us. If he’s linked with drugs on his weekend visit he will lose the right to come out early...He will be released on December 30 if he’s a good boy. I’ve told him to keep his head down.”

stay with mum and step-dad? no way! wino will wrap her tattooed arms around blaaake's skinny torso and drag him everywhere she goes. blaaake will be transported from one clinch to another!

BLAAAKE OUT BY NEW YEAR

WTF wino: rock in rio lisbon, 2008

watching this performance makes me feel icky and wrong. wino was obviously wasted, her voice completely shot (hey, it happens to the best of singers, but man!). she minced, tripped and staggered around the stage, forgetting lyrics and clutching "throat sweets". the entire set was hideously disturbing, like the sight of some crack-addicted crone entertaining herself on a street corner.

although, considering the lyrics to rehab, it could one day be named as a post-modern masterpiece. in the wake up alone clip, she falls over and drops the microphone @ 1:58...then covers up her embarrassment with false *drunk* bravado. and then, during love is a losing game, she sobs through the entire song.

never mind rock and roll...this is performance art!

all kidding aside, it is sad to see such a talented artist become a parody of herself before the age of 25.

the corpse lives

it must have been the KFC. according to bbc radio 1 newsbeat, wino has returned to her camden flat, looking frail. mitch says she has "scoffed the whole thing".

yay! she'll be back to yelling "blaaake" and terrorizing camden pubs in no time!

instead of posting the grainy shot of amy leaving hospital, i thought i'd add a pic of her from 2004. who is this winehouse?

AMY RETURNS HOME

she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!

it took merely hours for the tabloid king THE SUN to run a trashy piece, complete with a nasty quote from blaaake's mother, georgette fielder-civil:

“I’m not surprised she’s in hospital again. But all that matters to me right now is our son.”

and a precise one from mr. winehouse:

"she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!"

later, mitch kindly brought his ailing daughter some dirty bird. lifting up two greasy bags, he stated cryptically:

“This is how serious it is — I’m bringing her some KFC.”

ew. the image of winehouse gnawing at chicken in a hospital bed should not have been put into my mind. it's like a scene from a creepy old pre-war german film. nightmares guaranteed.

MITCH BRINGS WINO KFC

WINO RUSHED TO HOSPITAL

BREAKING NEWS: according to the Daily Mail, winehouse has been rushed to the accident and emergency ward of an unspecified London hospital.

i'll update as more info comes in and when mitch makes his inevitable statement...

come on, amy! find your will to live, girl!

UPDATE (pic from splashnewsonline):

the Daily Mail has updated their story. it was quite the scene- mitch was there along with crowds of paparazzi, paramedics and police (the 3 P's of fame gone wrong). amy's friends hoisted a blanket around the ambulance to prevent pictures of her face being taken. the only part of our heroine visible were her bare, dirty feet. she has been admitted to University College Hospital, it has been confirmed.


UPDATE (pic from splashnewsonline):

mitch and remi nicole, amy's close friend, engage in a heart to heart. in an interview with the Times Online, mitch described young amy as:

“...extremely high maintenance, not because she needed lots of money spent on her. She’s never been like that. What she really likes is for people to worry about her.”

...indeed.

UPDATE:

Yup, it's the drugs...the legal drugs...

"Amy Winehouse suffered a reaction to medication at home this evening and was taken to the hospital. Doctors have advised that she will be kept under observation overnight and is likely to be released tomorrow," read a statement released by Goodman and Tracey Miller, the 24-year-old's U.S.-based publicist.

AMY ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL IN EMERGENCY DASH

what kind of fuckery is this?

hi all...welcome to winehousewatch. once upon a time, i started a blog with the intentions bringing down michael buble. sadly, contrary to my predictions of a world wide revolution against bad covers of "save the last dance for me", buble remains alive and well, continuing to sing stolen arrangements to stadiums full of cougars. my only comfort in buble's longevity is that emily blunt dumped his arrogant wedding singer butt. anyway, i became weary of blogging without a cause. i have now come to accept a world where buble exists. i'm getting soft in my old age.

fast forward to today. whilst searching for a blog that deals solely in the sordid adventures of the one and only amy winehouse and finding nothing to fulfill me, i thought to myself, "ha! why don't i start a winehouse blog? wino is way more fun than buble...at least i like her music and get a kick out of her daily shenanigans."

so here it is, people. all the links you need to get your weekly, daily or hourly winehouse fix, depending how insane she is and how busy i am.

seeing as today is a sunday and amy rarely misses a saturday night out, we begin with a classic. courtesy of the Daily Mail, marvel as our heroine punches grates and runs through London:

AMY GOES OUT ON A LASH