rehab redux

this is starting to get old. in order to avoid being arrested for punching some dancer at the end of summer ball, wino has headed to yet another stint in rehab, this time in the harley street clinic. as usual, mitch has opened his big mouth to tell us all that his daughter is suffering from a "chest infection". more details to follow, i am sure!


WINO ESCAPES ARREST BY GOING TO REHAB

blaaake maaakes mitch twitch

blaaake has written a lot of icky letters from jail over the past months, but this time he might have gone too far. mitch winehouse claims he received a 6-page letter from blaaake rife with violent threats and abuse. the letter is now in the hands of police; a source close to mitch says:

“I could hear Mitch physically shaking when he phoned to tell me about the letter...He couldn’t even bring himself to read it out loud as it was just too sickening...But he told me that Blake described graphic scenes from a horror movie, in which Mitch is the victim...Part of Mitch wants to pursue this further with the police, maybe even taking out a restraining order...But then he is worried about it all driving a wedge between him and Amy.”

the question is: whose side will wino be on? her father's or her waste-of-space husband's? i'd like to think she'd side with the former, but something tells me she'd stand by her blaaake and make excuses. "he's just creative, dad! he wants to write a screenplay, don't you know? he just wanted some feedback!"

BLAAAKE'S POISON PEN STRIKES AGAIN

a quarter of a century...makes a girl think...

what a waste of a guitar shaped cake! wino refused to show up at her 25th birthday party. guests adele, mark ronson and mom janis waited at the jazz after dark club in london for hours, but friend remi nicole couldn't convince wino to leave the house. it is reported that wino was screaming, "i look fucking ugly!"

the sun reports:

Three cabs were called to the star’s house in Camden, North London.

Two were sent away before Remi had enough and took the third home after three hours trying to get Amy out.

A pal said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked...Unfortunately her lifestyle has had a major affect on her appearance and it’s only just started to sink in...She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out...Remi had organised the night and made a huge effort. They had a huge row...Amy can be very selfish — there was no convincing her and she ruined the night for everyone, including herself.”

wino also missed out on gifts of paintings, one of her beloved nan and one of her and blaaake. you know someone's messed up with they say no to cake.



IT'S MY PARTY & I'LL PIKE IF I WANT TO

you talkin' to me?

well slap my ass and call me susan. mitch winehouse has been offered a film role- as a cab driver!

the sun's gordon smart reports:

A film insider told me: 'Mitch has become almost as recognisable as Amy. He’s always on hand when his daughter gets into scrapes...He comes across very well when he appears on TV to defend his daughter and the film’s producers like his charm.'

The untitled project, currently in pre-production, centres around a one-hit wonder in the 1980s and Amy’s dad is said to have jumped at the chance to take part."

mitch jumping at a chance at the limelight? quel surprise!

MITCH WINO, SUPERSTAR

wino's wonderwall

six years ago, russell brand was in the throes of heroin addiction. since attending rehab at focus 12, he's been dead sober. today, he is attempting to help winehouse get clean.

the telegraph reports:

The soul artist is reported to have booked into the small Focus 12 clinic in Bury St Edmunds, where comedian Russell Brand was treated for his addiction to drugs.

It is only 15 miles from Category C Highpoint Prison, near Newmarket, where Fielder-Civil was sent after being moved from Pentonville Prison in London earlier this month.

Her father Mitch Winehouse said: "This is a very good idea. If she can get clean and still see Blake it can only be good."

Two weeks ago it was reported that Winehouse was flat-hunting in Bury St Edmunds to make it easier to visit her 26-year-old husband.

It was then that Brand, a presenter on Radio 2, suggested to Focus 12 chief executive Chip Somers that she could get treatment locally at the same time. Mr Somers agreed and contacted the star.

i hate to be a debbie downer, but can wino really be successful in rehab? being so famous and so under the microscope, can she fully participate in focus 12's group counselling? she must be so afraid of someone selling her out to the tabloids: "winehouse spills secrets! secret cell phone footage!"

aw, but brand stepping in to help...how deliciously, bizarrely appropriate. wino's beehive must have appeared to ol' russ in a dream, singing the chorus of wonderwall. check out the youtube link below of wino on brand's tv show. no doubt about it-they are definitely cut from the same mad genius cloth (russ yells at wino, "winehouse, do a record you lunatic! sing it out of your gob!").

what really happened?

this documentary, "what really happened?", makes for really good viewing. it's shocking to see the early footage of wino, plump and powerful, contrasted against her recent state. the interviews with blaaake's father, mitch and the people who knew her as a teenager are fascinating, as is the sound of her voice as she sings for a room of record company execs at age 17.

what a waste, o the humanity.

PART 1 ~ PART 2 ~ PART 3 ~ PART 4 ~ PART 5

the mitch show

finally! mitch's birthday candle wishes have come true! bbc has recognized senior winehouse's brilliant media manipulation and has lined him up as a guest host on bbc1 radio. i'm feeling lazy today so here's the article with the link below:

WINEHOUSE'S DAD TO HOST BBC SHOW

The cab driver is one of a number of guest presenters signed up by the station to co-host the mid-afternoon slot while Danny Baker goes on holiday.

Also lined up are Apprentice contestant Lucinda Ledgerwood, actor Phil Daniels and singer Katie Melua.

Since his daughter's behaviour became the focus of media attention, Mr Winehouse, 57, has increasingly been on hand to explain her actions.

"Mitch has been a regular contributor to BBC London, calling into our phone-in shows, " said the station's assistant editor Justin Kings.

"He always has something worthwhile to say and a good sense of humour.

"Although Mitch's life is extraordinary because of Amy, he's still a London dad and I think our listeners can relate to him in that way, " Mr Kings added.

In a recent interview with BBC Radio 1 Newsbeat Mr Winehouse said that he had come to accept being in the media spotlight.

"I question my own motives sometimes," he said. "Maybe I like the limelight a bit too much."

Mr Winehouse and the other guest presenters will take turns co-hosting the 1500 to 1700 slot with DJ Gary Crowley between 18 August and 12 September.

MAYBE he likes the limelight a bit too much? i wonder how long it will take for mitch and amy to do an album of jazz standard duets. i can just imagine mitch working out the orchestrations in his mind whilst driving around London. speaking of which, wouldn't it be great to have mitch wino as your cabbie? i bet if you tip him well, he'll sing a verse or two of "rehab".

BBC HIRES MITCH WINO

mama...oooo...didn't mean, to make you cry...

the flask is dry. i don't have a drop of smartass-ness left in me today. maybe it's because i started the day reading this sad article about janis's fears about one day turning on the t.v. and finding out her daughter is dead. yikes.

here are some quotes from mama wino's most recent interview:

"I reached the stage with Amy where I planned to ask her where she'd want to be buried. I was serious...The problem is that Amy is so high-profile. If I want an update on what state she's in at any given moment, I just have to turn on the television. Amy's problem is always in my face...There are a lot of people rooting for her. But I know I could turn on the TV and learn the worst."

"Something like this eats into the family and I can see how it could tear people apart. No matter what hurt they've caused they're still your babies. She'll always be my little girl sitting at the window singing...She was never a bad child, I don't suppose many addicts were. It's just they have no realisation it's wrong to do drugs."

janis should have a lifegem made from amy's beehive. i bet there's enough carbon in there to make the crowned jewels!

well i'm depressed now...time for a campari and coke!

JANIS FEARS ONE DAY TURNING ON TELLY TO SEE AMY'S DEAD

and if my daddy thinks i'm fine...

uh oh. have words been put into mitch's mouth...!? con-TRAH-ver-sy!

THE SUN quoted a source as saying:

“Mitch is furious...He’s certain someone put E in Amy’s drink — and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it...He is convinced that one of her hangers-on was responsible and he's waiting for a toxicology report to show what caused her to fit...If his suspicions are proved right, he wants someone to be punished. He is seriously unhappy about Amy's flat being a stop-over for randoms and wants an end to it."

however, according to gigwise, the story is UNTRUE! mitch denied it all, saying to bbc:

“And I don't know who this source is. But I'm gonna find out."

eek. i'd be afraid of mitch if i were a junkie. his meaty paws look like vice grips. he could snap pete doherty in half as nonchalantly as a 'nice' biscuit.

a final thought...what's the deal with female singers their interferin' daddies these days? britney (ew) & pa, miley (ew) cyrus & billy ray, jessica (ew) simpson and joe...messieurs cobain/morrison/jagger/bowie/staley/doherty/et al. have never stormed into their rock star son's lives and took control of their money, forced them into rehab and made press statements. weird.

THE SAGA CONTINUES

she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!

it took merely hours for the tabloid king THE SUN to run a trashy piece, complete with a nasty quote from blaaake's mother, georgette fielder-civil:

“I’m not surprised she’s in hospital again. But all that matters to me right now is our son.”

and a precise one from mr. winehouse:

"she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!"

later, mitch kindly brought his ailing daughter some dirty bird. lifting up two greasy bags, he stated cryptically:

“This is how serious it is — I’m bringing her some KFC.”

ew. the image of winehouse gnawing at chicken in a hospital bed should not have been put into my mind. it's like a scene from a creepy old pre-war german film. nightmares guaranteed.

MITCH BRINGS WINO KFC

WINO RUSHED TO HOSPITAL

BREAKING NEWS: according to the Daily Mail, winehouse has been rushed to the accident and emergency ward of an unspecified London hospital.

i'll update as more info comes in and when mitch makes his inevitable statement...

come on, amy! find your will to live, girl!

UPDATE (pic from splashnewsonline):

the Daily Mail has updated their story. it was quite the scene- mitch was there along with crowds of paparazzi, paramedics and police (the 3 P's of fame gone wrong). amy's friends hoisted a blanket around the ambulance to prevent pictures of her face being taken. the only part of our heroine visible were her bare, dirty feet. she has been admitted to University College Hospital, it has been confirmed.


UPDATE (pic from splashnewsonline):

mitch and remi nicole, amy's close friend, engage in a heart to heart. in an interview with the Times Online, mitch described young amy as:

“...extremely high maintenance, not because she needed lots of money spent on her. She’s never been like that. What she really likes is for people to worry about her.”

...indeed.

UPDATE:

Yup, it's the drugs...the legal drugs...

"Amy Winehouse suffered a reaction to medication at home this evening and was taken to the hospital. Doctors have advised that she will be kept under observation overnight and is likely to be released tomorrow," read a statement released by Goodman and Tracey Miller, the 24-year-old's U.S.-based publicist.

AMY ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL IN EMERGENCY DASH

blaaake begs amy to leave london

yes! only 24 hours into winehousewatch and i have the distinct honour of posting a "blaaake" item! dlisted, that bastion of celebrity gossip, coined the triple-a monicker for fielder-civil, and there's no going back to spelling blake with one A! "blaaake" is an onomatopoeia! "blaaake" is jazz poetry!

anyway, according to mirror.co.uk, mitch winehouse, shy, private man that he is, had this to say:

"Blake totally gets it. He said to me, 'We can't carry on living in London. We need to move out to the country'...If they do they could have the most fantastic life together, with the full blessing of my family. Whatever happens, we won't be where we are now in two years' time."

mitch also claims that amy and blaaake have a pre-nup. let's all exhale a collective sigh of cigarette smoke.

apparently blaaake and mitch have called a truce, agreeing that "taking Amy away from the bad influences that surround her in the city is the only way to rescue her." awwww. the love.

BLAAAKE BEGS AMY TO LEAVE LONDON

wino week july 21-27th: inanimate amys

winos to the left of me, winos to the right of me...winos before me, made from vegetables! this winehouse sculpture was the winning entry in the "vegetables figure" section of the Lambeth County show in South London. nice eggplant beehive! the below article also outlines wino's friday night out accompanied by vodka, JD, smokes and a scraggly musician (that's our girl!)

AUBERGINE AMY

a wino week without mitch & janis appearing at an event that their daughter doesn't bother to show up to would be incomplete!!

good ol' mitch & janis posed with Madame Tussaud's waxwork in London-gotta give mitch credit for his mobster-esque style. check out the shine on his shoes- and the hold he has on "amy"s wax elbow!

the Daily Mail (i can't help loving that site, it's such good british cheese) ran an unflattering comparison between wax wino and flesh wino:

WAX VS WINO


didn't john cougar mellencamp have a creepy song that went, "blood on the scarecrow, blood on the plow..."? that's the soundtrack in my head each time i read this story about a farmer and his terrifying yet winsome winehouse scarecrow. he is quoted as saying,

"The pigeons are terrified, they're sitting up on the telephone wires too scared to come into the field which is brilliant. Every farmer needs an Amy scarecrow...She's the best scarecrow we've ever had and she's doing a brilliant job. In fact she's doing a better job scaring the birds than she is singing at the moment...I'd be happy to offer her a full time job if she needs one when the singing is over"

SCARECROW AMY SCARES THE BIRDS

wow. there certainly were a lot of false winehouse idols created in the week of july 21-27. is this a subtle hint from the universe that the apocalypse is closer than we think?