me & quincy jones

hello lovelies! first and foremost, before any wino talk, i have to yell to the rooftops:

GO-BAMA! :)

i've been so busy this week expressing my disgust over the jonathan ross/russell brand witch hunt and following the US election i've not kept up on my winehouse news. there hasn't been much, except that our heroine is out of the hospital and looking...kind of...sober and pretty? there's a look in her eyes in the above photo, a look of lucid sanity. like obama, it's damned refreshing!

anyway, today i read that amy has found a new friend in quincy jones, the uber-producer. a source reveals:

"Quincy has taken her under his wing and put her back onto the wagon...The two are collaborating on one or two projects and if anyone in the world can save a talent like Amy then it is 'Q'. He helped relaunch Michael Jackson's career with the Thriller album and has been responsible for countless hits over the years. He knows that if she can start to get her music career sorted then everything else should fit into place."

wino's spokesperson also said:

"They met at the Nelson Mandela concert in the summer and got chatting. He's a big fan of hers and she him. I know that she is also doing a number for the Quincy Jones' tribute album."

what's going on today? obama is elected and winehouse is on the mend? i think i might explode!!

AMY & QUINCY JONES

wino's intercom interview

our heroine has not been seen in public since the "end of summer" fiasco, but she did give an impromptu interview to some ballsy french woman through her camden intercom. there was talk of blaaake, bien sur, but nothing revelatory.

my favourite part of the interview is this exchange:

frenchie: "what can i wish for you amy?"

amy: "huh?"

frenchie: "what can we wish you for the future?"

amy: "don't worry about me, worry about yourselves and promise me you'll buy my album"

...just like brian wilson did...

our heroine has finally said "screw you world" and taken to her bed. aw, poor girl. she missed her DJ set at the monarch pub last thursday night, saying she was bedridden. a source says:

"She's always showed up when she's been down to play here before, but apparently tonight she can't get out of bed. She's been looking so thin and haggard lately, it's a real worry."

in other depressing wino news, it has been rumoured that she has completely stopped working on her third album because she hasn't written any worthwhile songs. le sigh.

ALBUM #3 ON HOLD

WINO LIES IN BED

wino be jammin'

be prepared for your eyes, ears and subconscious mind to be assaulted. this youtube clip has been online for a few months but is picking up steam, having appeared lately on a few blogs (including perez hilton). it features wino jamming in her studio with a family of leeches, um, i mean some friends.

there are so many disturbing elements to this clip: wino's distended stomach, the glee in the voices of the hangers-on as they start the tape, the lonely xylophone guy...it's like a freaky post-modern german horror film with a really bad soundtrack. watch and judge, my pretties, but only if you're in a strong state of mind. if you're feeling even remotely fragile, this will send you directly to bed for a nap.

"i can't believe what has happened to me. i am so sad"

more disturbing details on wino's "end of summer" fiasco have emerged. someone needs to sit her down and make her watch "the rose", "la vie en rose" and "lady sings the blues" on continuous loop until a lightbulb goes off in her head.

wino had dionne bromfield, her 12 year old god daughter, replace her at this big-assed gig because she couldn't face performing. she joined dionne on stage, uttering a few grunts resembling backups and clutching her god-awful shorts. then, amy skulked across the stage bellowing, "This is Dionne, everyone, Dionne. Remember this f****** name, you don’t f****** know.” after only a few songs, wino became so emotional she dragged the girl off before it was over! weeping backstage and clutching dionne in her scraggly arms, she made the following statements to journalists;

“I was more nervous about the gig than Dionne. I couldn’t even leave the house without her.It was so emotional being on stage with her...I got so upset I started crying and had to drag her off...I love her. She’s f****** amazing.”

“When I look at Dionne she reminds me of myself. I used to be this little girl who liked Celine Dion and singing, this beautiful sweet girl with innocent dreams...Look where I am now. Look what happened to my dreams. This isn’t a life – I’m a mess, look at me...But this girl has everything ahead of her. She’s so beautiful and she reminds me so much of myself...This beautiful happy girl, she is so much like I used to be. I don’t want to leave her alone. I can’t believe what has happened to me. I am so sad.”

wino listened to celine dion? ew! she then made the obligatory reference to her blaaake;

“Dionne doesn’t have a boyfriend, she doesn't have a Blake to mess her up. She’s sweet and should stay like that...What life do I have? My life begins when Blake gets out of prison. He is my life, I want to see him.”

and so it went. now, our heroine's friends are so concerned they are setting up camp camden. a source says;

“No one wants to leave Amy on her own — she’s in a very fragile state at the moment...Her most loyal friends are terrified she is going to do something which she can’t overcome...She’s been to hell and back already but some fear she’s going to get worse before she gets better."

am i stating the obvious when i say ROCK N ROLL INTERVENTION? get bowie, jagger, iggy pop, dave gahan, courteney love, clapton, david crosby and ozzy together and storm that apartment!

WINO: "I AM SO SAD"

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE

wino's next album: chinese democracy?

eeeekkk!!! i was attempting to find pics of wino in the studio and THIS is what kept coming up...wino in the woods! i post it to remind us all to say no to hard drugs. next time you're at a party and some "U4-ia" (sly vintage 90210 reference, nudge nudge) is offered, think of wino and just say no. smoke a little green, drink a bottle of red wine, smoke a pack of camels; you'll feel shitty the next day, but you won't be wino'ed.

nonetheless, i've neglected winehousewatch in recent days; there's been very little news and quite frankly, i don't want to waste your time with too much nonsense. however, after reading that our heroine has produced only two unfinished tracks after 6 months in the studio, i am vexed.

a source says:

"With all the problems surrounding her personal issues and addictions we are really concerned it will never get finished. If six months produces two half-baked tracks how long will an album take?...Unless she sorts herself out and gets some focus it might never happen."

is wino destined to be like axel rose, working tirelessly at an album that will never see the light of day? worst of all, will 'frank' and 'back to black' be the only winehouse albums we the public will ever know? no! it would be tragic!

WINO'S "CHINESE DEMOCRACY"

bestival for the restival

i apologize to my small readership for not reporting on wino's bestival performance, but quite frankly, there isn't much to say. she showed up late, played a short set, seemed out of it. i've scoured the net and can't find any videoclips. so here's tim jonze's review for the guardian, and i believe this is verbatim...

Who: Amy Winehouse

Dress code: Nautical but nice - the band are all decked out like sailors, while Wino sings ("sings") from behind a ship's steering wheel.

Who's watching: The biggest crowd of the festival so far - and most of them are clearly here for the car crash.

In a nutshell: OK, so I'm one of about three people on earth who watched The Wino play Glastonbury this year and came back proclaiming it a triumph. But if Guardian blog commenters thought that was a bad show, they should have seen this. Admittedly, things got better. They had to - the first song (Addicted, I think) was barely recognisable, thanks to the fact Amy only sang about 23% of the lyrics. But even when she got her voice back, the whole thing felt a bit nasty, overstepping the increasingly thin line between troubled genius and total shambles. Maybe if we hadn't just spent an hour dancing to Hot Chip, whose rave-tastic set blew the mud halfway to Newport, it wouldn't have seemed so bad. But we had, and in comparison to that, a set of half-sung Sam Cooke and Zutons covers from a woman who could barely stand-up straight didn't exactly top off the night in style.

Bestival: She turned up, she played, there was no riot.

Worstival: The wait for her to get onstage - about 80 minutes, but it felt like hours.

NME's TAKE ON BESTIVAL

wino ditches ronson for remi

amy is going back to basics by working along side salaam remi, her first producer on "frank", on her new album.

her spokesman said:

"There has been some music written, recorded and done but details aren't forthcoming as yet...The diary is clear to really nail down the album for the forseeable future and to allow some relaxing recovery time. Amy always wants to perform and over the summer they booked all these one off dates to keep the pressure off. Then there's the release of Blake before Xmas and we'll see what happens then."

salaam better keep wino working cause once blaaake gets out, the whole shit house will go up in flames!

NO MORE RONSON

48 bottles of jack on the rider...

wino has requested a staggering 48 bottles of jack daniels for her bestival gig.

a source tells the sun:

"...It’s common for artists to make requests for food and beverages before they arrive. ...But organisers have heard Miss Winehouse has ordered in an extremely large amount of Jack Daniel’s, in fact, a ridiculous amount that she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay...Everyone is really excited about getting Amy to perform here, and naturally there are now fears she is planning something wild..."

am i evil to rub my hands with glee in anticipation over the youtube clips in my future?

BACK TO JACK

wino no show pisses off the French

the French are not amused by wino's no-show. bbc reports:

The organisers of a French music concert are threatening legal action after headliner Amy Winehouse pulled out on Friday with just hours to go.

Rock En Seine said there was "no explanation of the exact reasons for her absence...We are very sorry about this situation and share the disappointment of the festival-goers.".

no matter the reality behind why wino cancelled, it really comes down to one thing: she was unable to perform. hungover, menstrual, too high, sore throat, depressed, sick of everything- we've all had our days when we just curl up in bed and say "screw it". however, when you or i call in sick to work, there aren't thousands of people disappointed by our day of slack.

i wonder what wino's favourite "sick day" movie is? mine is bridget jones' diary. what's yours?

FRENCH THREATEN TO SUE WINO

she be illin'

amy has cancelled her "rock en seine" gig due to illness. her publicist said:

"Amy Winehouse was regrettably unable to perform at the Rock En Seine show in Paris tonight, Friday August 29th, due to illness. She was taken ill at her house and wasn't able to travel to France for the concert."

i'm always suspicious when someone is described as "ill". it's so general- if she had a cold and her voice was affected, they'd say so. i hope for her sake she just had bad cramps and wanted to stay home and is not on the brink of hospitalization. get better amy!

WINO CANCELS PARIS SHOW

well done wino: me & mr. jones/valerie, bbc sessions, 2007

wino seems only *slightly* drunk in this performance, which means her voice is in decent shape. yay!

i couldn't decide between the two clips so lucky you, i'm posting them both! me & mr. jones has great vocals, end of story. but valerie is a strange interpretation, as she starts to cry in the 2nd verse. wino must have been thinking about (what else?) her blaaake! she keeps it together, which sadly is more than can be said for her 2008 performances so far.

WTF wino: valerie, some london pub, 2008

in order to keep this blog fresh and exciting for all 3 of you reading, i sift through a lot of winehouse material. some days, it feels like i've seen it all and think there can't possibly be any more shockingly bad clips of wino making a sad fool of herself in public.

and then there are days like today.

this clip of wino givin'er with the band is a classic fall down drunk performance. (hey, we've all been there- i know i've slobbered over a microphone at karaoke or in some blues bar in my youth) i'm not criticizing wino for getting shit-faced if she wants to...but she needs to stop getting on stage in this state when everything she does is captured on camera! this is just madness. the last minute is sheer torture, it is cringe-worthy.

after watching the previous all my loving clip, this one makes me want to cry. get some help wino! listen to russell and go to rehab!

well done wino: all my loving, bbc3, 2004

i had to dig way, way deep into the vaults to find something worthy of a "well done wino" post this week. after clearing out the cobwebs of youtube, i managed to find a precious, hidden gem.

"all my loving" is one of my favourite beatles songs. it always struck me as simple, but in amy's hands, the outstanding melody and melancholic lyrics really come to life. the superior quality of her voice in comparison to last week's v fest is extremely depressing, though. it is possible to retrain her voice- hell, cyndi lauper completely lost hers after a year singing joplin and retrained it gloriously- but it will be an uphill battle. perhaps years from now we'll refer to 2008 amy like we refer to 'fat elvis'. shame.

winehouse of oz

rumours continue to swirl about wino's new album. reports have claimed she's writing about meatballs and cooking, but now it seems the inspiration isn't coming from little balls of meat but the classic hollywood film, "the wizard of oz".

a source tells THE SUN:

“She loves the surreal look, sound and score. One of her new songs heavily samples the theme tune...And the soundtrack and score will be a theme running throughout the record...really interesting, if a little bizarre...I suppose that’s what you would expect from her at the moment.”

this will only be a good idea if she skips the munchins and includes the witch's guardsmen chant: "oh ee oh, ooooohhhhh OH!" come to think of it, this sounds like a terrible idea. i'll be interested to see how this comes together- if all the reports are true about the meatballs and oz, this will be one terrifying album. even scarier than bowie's 'one outside', and that shit is scary.

INSPIRED BY OZ

well done wino: love is a losing game, 2006

i'm always blown away by this performance. vocally it's stunning (even better than the original) and the emotion she puts into the song is spellbinding. it's especially touching when she asks, "was that all right?" at the end of the song.

was that all right? it was bloody genius, amy!

my bond is better than your bond

wino is vexed about not singing the bond theme. here's what our heroine said about the bond producers:

"I do think they could have waited a bit. If they want a worldwide hit I have them all up here (pointing to her beehive)...I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine – and I am tempted to do it on the same day – this would be the bigger hit."

i've never understood the fascination with 007. he's a spy, he wears a tux, whoop-dee-doo. now, if they had cast clive owen as bond, i might be more tempted to sit through all the "where is the microfiche" silliness. god bless clive!

GET A LOAD OF MY BOND

WTF wino: rock in rio lisbon, 2008

watching this performance makes me feel icky and wrong. wino was obviously wasted, her voice completely shot (hey, it happens to the best of singers, but man!). she minced, tripped and staggered around the stage, forgetting lyrics and clutching "throat sweets". the entire set was hideously disturbing, like the sight of some crack-addicted crone entertaining herself on a street corner.

although, considering the lyrics to rehab, it could one day be named as a post-modern masterpiece. in the wake up alone clip, she falls over and drops the microphone @ 1:58...then covers up her embarrassment with false *drunk* bravado. and then, during love is a losing game, she sobs through the entire song.

never mind rock and roll...this is performance art!

all kidding aside, it is sad to see such a talented artist become a parody of herself before the age of 25.

well done wino: addicted, glastonbury 2008

ok, so wino's set at glasonbury 2008 ended with some punchy punchy and vocals akin to a strangled cat. however, one can't deny the opening number was pretty darned great. the last verse in particular is quite fine.

now that's a spicy meat-a-ball...

between trips to the hospital and punching grates, wino has managed to write a few ditties...no, not about blaaake keeping his dick wet, but sunday afternoon chefery! behold the leaked lyrics to wino's unnamed track:

"I can cook, chicken soup, meatballs, a good chicken - jerk and fried."

a source says,

"She's working on one track which talks about her upbringing as a Jewish girl. The song brings her back to happier days when she didn't have a care in the world...It's only in its early stages, but Amy is really excited about getting back to what she does best - making great music. The lyrical content is a little off the wall. But Amy writes about what's on her mind - and she goes all out."

here's hoping for a track about her slushie machine and another waxing poetic over hospital bed KFC!

WINO IS COOKIN'