...just like brian wilson did...

our heroine has finally said "screw you world" and taken to her bed. aw, poor girl. she missed her DJ set at the monarch pub last thursday night, saying she was bedridden. a source says:

"She's always showed up when she's been down to play here before, but apparently tonight she can't get out of bed. She's been looking so thin and haggard lately, it's a real worry."

in other depressing wino news, it has been rumoured that she has completely stopped working on her third album because she hasn't written any worthwhile songs. le sigh.

ALBUM #3 ON HOLD

WINO LIES IN BED

a quarter of a century...makes a girl think...

what a waste of a guitar shaped cake! wino refused to show up at her 25th birthday party. guests adele, mark ronson and mom janis waited at the jazz after dark club in london for hours, but friend remi nicole couldn't convince wino to leave the house. it is reported that wino was screaming, "i look fucking ugly!"

the sun reports:

Three cabs were called to the star’s house in Camden, North London.

Two were sent away before Remi had enough and took the third home after three hours trying to get Amy out.

A pal said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked...Unfortunately her lifestyle has had a major affect on her appearance and it’s only just started to sink in...She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out...Remi had organised the night and made a huge effort. They had a huge row...Amy can be very selfish — there was no convincing her and she ruined the night for everyone, including herself.”

wino also missed out on gifts of paintings, one of her beloved nan and one of her and blaaake. you know someone's messed up with they say no to cake.



IT'S MY PARTY & I'LL PIKE IF I WANT TO

wino no show pisses off the French

the French are not amused by wino's no-show. bbc reports:

The organisers of a French music concert are threatening legal action after headliner Amy Winehouse pulled out on Friday with just hours to go.

Rock En Seine said there was "no explanation of the exact reasons for her absence...We are very sorry about this situation and share the disappointment of the festival-goers.".

no matter the reality behind why wino cancelled, it really comes down to one thing: she was unable to perform. hungover, menstrual, too high, sore throat, depressed, sick of everything- we've all had our days when we just curl up in bed and say "screw it". however, when you or i call in sick to work, there aren't thousands of people disappointed by our day of slack.

i wonder what wino's favourite "sick day" movie is? mine is bridget jones' diary. what's yours?

FRENCH THREATEN TO SUE WINO

she be illin'

amy has cancelled her "rock en seine" gig due to illness. her publicist said:

"Amy Winehouse was regrettably unable to perform at the Rock En Seine show in Paris tonight, Friday August 29th, due to illness. She was taken ill at her house and wasn't able to travel to France for the concert."

i'm always suspicious when someone is described as "ill". it's so general- if she had a cold and her voice was affected, they'd say so. i hope for her sake she just had bad cramps and wanted to stay home and is not on the brink of hospitalization. get better amy!

WINO CANCELS PARIS SHOW

wino week july 21-27th: inanimate amys

winos to the left of me, winos to the right of me...winos before me, made from vegetables! this winehouse sculpture was the winning entry in the "vegetables figure" section of the Lambeth County show in South London. nice eggplant beehive! the below article also outlines wino's friday night out accompanied by vodka, JD, smokes and a scraggly musician (that's our girl!)

AUBERGINE AMY

a wino week without mitch & janis appearing at an event that their daughter doesn't bother to show up to would be incomplete!!

good ol' mitch & janis posed with Madame Tussaud's waxwork in London-gotta give mitch credit for his mobster-esque style. check out the shine on his shoes- and the hold he has on "amy"s wax elbow!

the Daily Mail (i can't help loving that site, it's such good british cheese) ran an unflattering comparison between wax wino and flesh wino:

WAX VS WINO


didn't john cougar mellencamp have a creepy song that went, "blood on the scarecrow, blood on the plow..."? that's the soundtrack in my head each time i read this story about a farmer and his terrifying yet winsome winehouse scarecrow. he is quoted as saying,

"The pigeons are terrified, they're sitting up on the telephone wires too scared to come into the field which is brilliant. Every farmer needs an Amy scarecrow...She's the best scarecrow we've ever had and she's doing a brilliant job. In fact she's doing a better job scaring the birds than she is singing at the moment...I'd be happy to offer her a full time job if she needs one when the singing is over"

SCARECROW AMY SCARES THE BIRDS

wow. there certainly were a lot of false winehouse idols created in the week of july 21-27. is this a subtle hint from the universe that the apocalypse is closer than we think?