blaaake is free!

ahhh! i knew all this good news couldn't last! it seems our favourite crap husband, blake fielder-civil, is now a free man! according to the telegraph, blaaake is now in rehab. amy is reported to be at her camden home (as pictured above).

shit. things were going so well! obama is the new pres, winehouse's record label boss called her demos "sensational", and now this!? i really hope that blaaake has a healing effect on our heroine. she deserves it!

btw don't her ballet slippers gleam?

BLAAAKE RELEASED

"life can't go on, i can't do this"

all right. this is enough now! wino crawled out from under a camden rock to make an appearance at london's end of the summer ball, purportedly to support her 12 year old god-daughter's singing debut. as usual, it became the "omg look at what a mess wino is" show. wino pulled focus, hugged and squeezed dionne while she was trying to sing. a source says:

"It was tragic — she seemed totally wasted. She was jumping all over Dionne as the poor girl tried to sing for the crowd. Amy didn’t really sing a single note — it sounded more like she was grunting down the mic...Amy was then asked to pose for the event’s official photographer, but flipped and tried to headbutt him. She looked like a woman possessed."

backstage, wino had a meltdown, bursting into tears and saying, "Life can't go on, I can't do this." she later arrived home dishevelled, grasping at her loose beehive and wearing only one ballet flat.



WINO SOBS "LIFE CAN'T GO ON, I CAN'T DO THIS"

tee hee

comedian zoe lyons won the prize for best joke at the edinburgh festival fringe with a one-liner aimed at wino. i gotta say it's witty!

"I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her."

zoe, upon accepting the award, said;

"I am absolutely delighted to have won the award. I know self-harming is not funny but it's just a joke, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it."

take that, sarah silverman! she'll be pissed she didn't come up with that one!

WINO JOKE VOTED FUNNIEST @ FRINGE

WTF wino: valerie, some london pub, 2008

in order to keep this blog fresh and exciting for all 3 of you reading, i sift through a lot of winehouse material. some days, it feels like i've seen it all and think there can't possibly be any more shockingly bad clips of wino making a sad fool of herself in public.

and then there are days like today.

this clip of wino givin'er with the band is a classic fall down drunk performance. (hey, we've all been there- i know i've slobbered over a microphone at karaoke or in some blues bar in my youth) i'm not criticizing wino for getting shit-faced if she wants to...but she needs to stop getting on stage in this state when everything she does is captured on camera! this is just madness. the last minute is sheer torture, it is cringe-worthy.

after watching the previous all my loving clip, this one makes me want to cry. get some help wino! listen to russell and go to rehab!

party at wino's

this is what happens to a person after only 3 hours inside wino's camden crack den. sadie frost (fashionista/jude law's ex/actress) went to visit amy stone cold sober and reappeared completely wasted! on a monday night! gotta love these hardcore brits!

here sadie emerges with kristian marr...check out his eyes. there's no question he'll be picking up a curry takeaway on the way home.

i'm jealous! i wanna party at wino's! it looks like a good old fashioned 70s style shindig complete with cigarettes, hard liquor, a bong shaped like a buddha, coke on mirrors, led zep on the stereo and late night jiffy pop!

SADIE'S BEEN WINO-ED

i told you i was trouble...

isn't she precious? wino is up to her old tricks again. last night, she punched fans who stupidly try to touch her or take cell phone pics, attempted to escape from her own entourage and bought strange, random items from convenience stores.

amy was attending a fundraiser for the hawley arms pub, a favourite haunt of hers that was damaged in the camden fire earlier this year. she dressed up for the occasion, smearing herself with fake tanner and donning her classic ballet pumps.

i feel a bit sorry for the fan who reached out to touch her arm and ask how she was (see the video here), but at this same time, she should know better! if i were anywhere near wino i would take 5 steps back and adopt a fencing stance.

seriouly though, our heroine needs to get off the booze and hard drugs and start smoking weed again. at least she'd be less crabby and might eat something once in awhile. sheesh.

CAMDEN'S WILD CHILD

ON THE ATTACK

my bond is better than your bond

wino is vexed about not singing the bond theme. here's what our heroine said about the bond producers:

"I do think they could have waited a bit. If they want a worldwide hit I have them all up here (pointing to her beehive)...I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine – and I am tempted to do it on the same day – this would be the bigger hit."

i've never understood the fascination with 007. he's a spy, he wears a tux, whoop-dee-doo. now, if they had cast clive owen as bond, i might be more tempted to sit through all the "where is the microfiche" silliness. god bless clive!

GET A LOAD OF MY BOND

off the mop

blaaake is depressed in jail! omg! what has he done to display his angst? has he cut himself/overdosed/written suicide notes!?

no, my friends, it's even worse!

HE'S OFF THE MOP!

a source at London’s Pentonville Prison said:

“Blake is on the verge of a nervous breakdown...He has stopped his mopping job, which may sound funny, but it gave him something to do. Instead he mopes around his cell."

yes, source at London's Pentonville Prison, it DOES sound funny. ceasing to mop endless jailhouse floors does not indicate a nervous breakdown. blaaake probably has a new penpal to write dirty letters to or has reached the climax of a michael crichton novel.

MOPING BLAKE IS OFF MOP DUTY

what kind of fuckery is this?

hi all...welcome to winehousewatch. once upon a time, i started a blog with the intentions bringing down michael buble. sadly, contrary to my predictions of a world wide revolution against bad covers of "save the last dance for me", buble remains alive and well, continuing to sing stolen arrangements to stadiums full of cougars. my only comfort in buble's longevity is that emily blunt dumped his arrogant wedding singer butt. anyway, i became weary of blogging without a cause. i have now come to accept a world where buble exists. i'm getting soft in my old age.

fast forward to today. whilst searching for a blog that deals solely in the sordid adventures of the one and only amy winehouse and finding nothing to fulfill me, i thought to myself, "ha! why don't i start a winehouse blog? wino is way more fun than buble...at least i like her music and get a kick out of her daily shenanigans."

so here it is, people. all the links you need to get your weekly, daily or hourly winehouse fix, depending how insane she is and how busy i am.

seeing as today is a sunday and amy rarely misses a saturday night out, we begin with a classic. courtesy of the Daily Mail, marvel as our heroine punches grates and runs through London:

AMY GOES OUT ON A LASH