pas de rehab

yesterday, the rumour was wino went to rehab. today, mitch's words are vindicated, as she actually IS in hospital for a chest infection. her spokesperson says:

“Amy is in hospital being checked out with for a chest infection. She is not back in rehab...She should be fine and is expected to return home soon.”

i haven't had coffee yet, so i'm not so witty in the brainbox. i'll just issue a standard, "get well amy!!!"

WINO IN HOSPITAL

rehab redux

this is starting to get old. in order to avoid being arrested for punching some dancer at the end of summer ball, wino has headed to yet another stint in rehab, this time in the harley street clinic. as usual, mitch has opened his big mouth to tell us all that his daughter is suffering from a "chest infection". more details to follow, i am sure!


WINO ESCAPES ARREST BY GOING TO REHAB

...just like brian wilson did...

our heroine has finally said "screw you world" and taken to her bed. aw, poor girl. she missed her DJ set at the monarch pub last thursday night, saying she was bedridden. a source says:

"She's always showed up when she's been down to play here before, but apparently tonight she can't get out of bed. She's been looking so thin and haggard lately, it's a real worry."

in other depressing wino news, it has been rumoured that she has completely stopped working on her third album because she hasn't written any worthwhile songs. le sigh.

ALBUM #3 ON HOLD

WINO LIES IN BED

candy darling

i'm a few days late on reporting the "coke-and-candy-floss" story, which i will blame on two turkeys and a lasagna. here it is, from gigwise, and i 'believe this is verbatim...':

Amy Winehouse has reportedly thought up a brand spanking new way of taking cocaine – mixing it with candyfloss.

The 25-year-old singer was apparently spurred on by Babyshambles' lead guitarist Mick Whitnall after she bought a candyfloss machine for £700.

According to the News of the World, Wino loves the concoction so much that and has even held 'Coke and Candy' parties at her house.

A 'pal' said: “It was Mik’s idea. The candyfloss machine was Amy’s pride and joy and he thought it would be funny to give it a boost...He and some pals sprinkled a wrap of coke into the mixture and Amy started eating it before she realised what they’d done. She now thinks it’s a hoot to do the same.”

yegads! i thought vodka pops were decadent!

knives out

when a rock star compares their own destiny to that of sid vicious, it's only a matter of time before something really bad happens. it is alleged that amy held a knife to her chest in a desperate cry for help, saying "What is the point of living?". a friend revealed:

“Amy said she was ‘caught up in a nightmare’...Her friends managed to get the knife away from her but are now holding a 24-hour watch on her...Amy has a death wish. Her emotions are exaggerated. She is either high as a kite or, when she hears something she doesn't like, she's suicidal...She is all for this stupid Sid Vicious notion of dying young. She is not scared of it and believes it is her destiny."

man, this is depressing stuff for a monday morning. i've got a miserable cold at the moment and thought i felt rotten enough- now after reading today's winehouse headlines i'm wiped right out. when the fuzz in my head clears, perhaps i will have some witticisms to impart. but for now i'll leave you with wino's funeral themed video for "back to black". it seems appropriate.



WINO: "CAUGHT IN A NIGHTMARE"

alien amy

i'm a little nervous posting about scientology- they, like all organized churches, give me the heebs something fierce. scientology isn't much different from any other church who preys on the weak to boost their numbers. the christians pray to a big man in the sky, the scientologists believe in aliens. they both ask for money...same room, different colour, isn't it?

anyway, it has been reported that the church of scientology has contacted our heroine. a source says:

“She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album...They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.”

drying out with the help of scientology is a lot of work. first, the addict is given vitamin cocktails (mmm cocktails!). next, they are given a series of saunas and put on a "detox diet". finally, they have to work through self-help books. if wino did go through it, imagine how much those workbooks would be worth in the future!

TOM CRUISE WANTS WINO

"i can't believe what has happened to me. i am so sad"

more disturbing details on wino's "end of summer" fiasco have emerged. someone needs to sit her down and make her watch "the rose", "la vie en rose" and "lady sings the blues" on continuous loop until a lightbulb goes off in her head.

wino had dionne bromfield, her 12 year old god daughter, replace her at this big-assed gig because she couldn't face performing. she joined dionne on stage, uttering a few grunts resembling backups and clutching her god-awful shorts. then, amy skulked across the stage bellowing, "This is Dionne, everyone, Dionne. Remember this f****** name, you don’t f****** know.” after only a few songs, wino became so emotional she dragged the girl off before it was over! weeping backstage and clutching dionne in her scraggly arms, she made the following statements to journalists;

“I was more nervous about the gig than Dionne. I couldn’t even leave the house without her.It was so emotional being on stage with her...I got so upset I started crying and had to drag her off...I love her. She’s f****** amazing.”

“When I look at Dionne she reminds me of myself. I used to be this little girl who liked Celine Dion and singing, this beautiful sweet girl with innocent dreams...Look where I am now. Look what happened to my dreams. This isn’t a life – I’m a mess, look at me...But this girl has everything ahead of her. She’s so beautiful and she reminds me so much of myself...This beautiful happy girl, she is so much like I used to be. I don’t want to leave her alone. I can’t believe what has happened to me. I am so sad.”

wino listened to celine dion? ew! she then made the obligatory reference to her blaaake;

“Dionne doesn’t have a boyfriend, she doesn't have a Blake to mess her up. She’s sweet and should stay like that...What life do I have? My life begins when Blake gets out of prison. He is my life, I want to see him.”

and so it went. now, our heroine's friends are so concerned they are setting up camp camden. a source says;

“No one wants to leave Amy on her own — she’s in a very fragile state at the moment...Her most loyal friends are terrified she is going to do something which she can’t overcome...She’s been to hell and back already but some fear she’s going to get worse before she gets better."

am i stating the obvious when i say ROCK N ROLL INTERVENTION? get bowie, jagger, iggy pop, dave gahan, courteney love, clapton, david crosby and ozzy together and storm that apartment!

WINO: "I AM SO SAD"

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE

"life can't go on, i can't do this"

all right. this is enough now! wino crawled out from under a camden rock to make an appearance at london's end of the summer ball, purportedly to support her 12 year old god-daughter's singing debut. as usual, it became the "omg look at what a mess wino is" show. wino pulled focus, hugged and squeezed dionne while she was trying to sing. a source says:

"It was tragic — she seemed totally wasted. She was jumping all over Dionne as the poor girl tried to sing for the crowd. Amy didn’t really sing a single note — it sounded more like she was grunting down the mic...Amy was then asked to pose for the event’s official photographer, but flipped and tried to headbutt him. She looked like a woman possessed."

backstage, wino had a meltdown, bursting into tears and saying, "Life can't go on, I can't do this." she later arrived home dishevelled, grasping at her loose beehive and wearing only one ballet flat.



WINO SOBS "LIFE CAN'T GO ON, I CAN'T DO THIS"

a quarter of a century...makes a girl think...

what a waste of a guitar shaped cake! wino refused to show up at her 25th birthday party. guests adele, mark ronson and mom janis waited at the jazz after dark club in london for hours, but friend remi nicole couldn't convince wino to leave the house. it is reported that wino was screaming, "i look fucking ugly!"

the sun reports:

Three cabs were called to the star’s house in Camden, North London.

Two were sent away before Remi had enough and took the third home after three hours trying to get Amy out.

A pal said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked...Unfortunately her lifestyle has had a major affect on her appearance and it’s only just started to sink in...She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out...Remi had organised the night and made a huge effort. They had a huge row...Amy can be very selfish — there was no convincing her and she ruined the night for everyone, including herself.”

wino also missed out on gifts of paintings, one of her beloved nan and one of her and blaaake. you know someone's messed up with they say no to cake.



IT'S MY PARTY & I'LL PIKE IF I WANT TO

scooby-duvet-doo

wino partied like it's 1999 after her bestival gig (with 48 bottles of jack on the rider), so much so the wellington hotel kicked her out. the hotel claims that wino did 5,000 pounds worth of damage by burning furniture with cigarette butts and covering carpets with booze.

a source said:

"Amy was a total mess. She couldn’t manage to walk to the car so they had to wrap her in a duvet."

ew! i don't even want to imagine the state of that duvet- i pity the person in her entourage who had to shove it into an itty-bitty british laundry machine.

WINO WRECKS HOTEL ROOM

48 bottles of jack on the rider...

wino has requested a staggering 48 bottles of jack daniels for her bestival gig.

a source tells the sun:

"...It’s common for artists to make requests for food and beverages before they arrive. ...But organisers have heard Miss Winehouse has ordered in an extremely large amount of Jack Daniel’s, in fact, a ridiculous amount that she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay...Everyone is really excited about getting Amy to perform here, and naturally there are now fears she is planning something wild..."

am i evil to rub my hands with glee in anticipation over the youtube clips in my future?

BACK TO JACK

wino no show pisses off the French

the French are not amused by wino's no-show. bbc reports:

The organisers of a French music concert are threatening legal action after headliner Amy Winehouse pulled out on Friday with just hours to go.

Rock En Seine said there was "no explanation of the exact reasons for her absence...We are very sorry about this situation and share the disappointment of the festival-goers.".

no matter the reality behind why wino cancelled, it really comes down to one thing: she was unable to perform. hungover, menstrual, too high, sore throat, depressed, sick of everything- we've all had our days when we just curl up in bed and say "screw it". however, when you or i call in sick to work, there aren't thousands of people disappointed by our day of slack.

i wonder what wino's favourite "sick day" movie is? mine is bridget jones' diary. what's yours?

FRENCH THREATEN TO SUE WINO

she be illin'

amy has cancelled her "rock en seine" gig due to illness. her publicist said:

"Amy Winehouse was regrettably unable to perform at the Rock En Seine show in Paris tonight, Friday August 29th, due to illness. She was taken ill at her house and wasn't able to travel to France for the concert."

i'm always suspicious when someone is described as "ill". it's so general- if she had a cold and her voice was affected, they'd say so. i hope for her sake she just had bad cramps and wanted to stay home and is not on the brink of hospitalization. get better amy!

WINO CANCELS PARIS SHOW

wino's wonderwall

six years ago, russell brand was in the throes of heroin addiction. since attending rehab at focus 12, he's been dead sober. today, he is attempting to help winehouse get clean.

the telegraph reports:

The soul artist is reported to have booked into the small Focus 12 clinic in Bury St Edmunds, where comedian Russell Brand was treated for his addiction to drugs.

It is only 15 miles from Category C Highpoint Prison, near Newmarket, where Fielder-Civil was sent after being moved from Pentonville Prison in London earlier this month.

Her father Mitch Winehouse said: "This is a very good idea. If she can get clean and still see Blake it can only be good."

Two weeks ago it was reported that Winehouse was flat-hunting in Bury St Edmunds to make it easier to visit her 26-year-old husband.

It was then that Brand, a presenter on Radio 2, suggested to Focus 12 chief executive Chip Somers that she could get treatment locally at the same time. Mr Somers agreed and contacted the star.

i hate to be a debbie downer, but can wino really be successful in rehab? being so famous and so under the microscope, can she fully participate in focus 12's group counselling? she must be so afraid of someone selling her out to the tabloids: "winehouse spills secrets! secret cell phone footage!"

aw, but brand stepping in to help...how deliciously, bizarrely appropriate. wino's beehive must have appeared to ol' russ in a dream, singing the chorus of wonderwall. check out the youtube link below of wino on brand's tv show. no doubt about it-they are definitely cut from the same mad genius cloth (russ yells at wino, "winehouse, do a record you lunatic! sing it out of your gob!").

WTF wino: rock in rio lisbon, 2008

watching this performance makes me feel icky and wrong. wino was obviously wasted, her voice completely shot (hey, it happens to the best of singers, but man!). she minced, tripped and staggered around the stage, forgetting lyrics and clutching "throat sweets". the entire set was hideously disturbing, like the sight of some crack-addicted crone entertaining herself on a street corner.

although, considering the lyrics to rehab, it could one day be named as a post-modern masterpiece. in the wake up alone clip, she falls over and drops the microphone @ 1:58...then covers up her embarrassment with false *drunk* bravado. and then, during love is a losing game, she sobs through the entire song.

never mind rock and roll...this is performance art!

all kidding aside, it is sad to see such a talented artist become a parody of herself before the age of 25.

what really happened?

this documentary, "what really happened?", makes for really good viewing. it's shocking to see the early footage of wino, plump and powerful, contrasted against her recent state. the interviews with blaaake's father, mitch and the people who knew her as a teenager are fascinating, as is the sound of her voice as she sings for a room of record company execs at age 17.

what a waste, o the humanity.

PART 1 ~ PART 2 ~ PART 3 ~ PART 4 ~ PART 5

mama...oooo...didn't mean, to make you cry...

the flask is dry. i don't have a drop of smartass-ness left in me today. maybe it's because i started the day reading this sad article about janis's fears about one day turning on the t.v. and finding out her daughter is dead. yikes.

here are some quotes from mama wino's most recent interview:

"I reached the stage with Amy where I planned to ask her where she'd want to be buried. I was serious...The problem is that Amy is so high-profile. If I want an update on what state she's in at any given moment, I just have to turn on the television. Amy's problem is always in my face...There are a lot of people rooting for her. But I know I could turn on the TV and learn the worst."

"Something like this eats into the family and I can see how it could tear people apart. No matter what hurt they've caused they're still your babies. She'll always be my little girl sitting at the window singing...She was never a bad child, I don't suppose many addicts were. It's just they have no realisation it's wrong to do drugs."

janis should have a lifegem made from amy's beehive. i bet there's enough carbon in there to make the crowned jewels!

well i'm depressed now...time for a campari and coke!

JANIS FEARS ONE DAY TURNING ON TELLY TO SEE AMY'S DEAD

and if my daddy thinks i'm fine...

uh oh. have words been put into mitch's mouth...!? con-TRAH-ver-sy!

THE SUN quoted a source as saying:

“Mitch is furious...He’s certain someone put E in Amy’s drink — and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it...He is convinced that one of her hangers-on was responsible and he's waiting for a toxicology report to show what caused her to fit...If his suspicions are proved right, he wants someone to be punished. He is seriously unhappy about Amy's flat being a stop-over for randoms and wants an end to it."

however, according to gigwise, the story is UNTRUE! mitch denied it all, saying to bbc:

“And I don't know who this source is. But I'm gonna find out."

eek. i'd be afraid of mitch if i were a junkie. his meaty paws look like vice grips. he could snap pete doherty in half as nonchalantly as a 'nice' biscuit.

a final thought...what's the deal with female singers their interferin' daddies these days? britney (ew) & pa, miley (ew) cyrus & billy ray, jessica (ew) simpson and joe...messieurs cobain/morrison/jagger/bowie/staley/doherty/et al. have never stormed into their rock star son's lives and took control of their money, forced them into rehab and made press statements. weird.

THE SAGA CONTINUES

the corpse lives

it must have been the KFC. according to bbc radio 1 newsbeat, wino has returned to her camden flat, looking frail. mitch says she has "scoffed the whole thing".

yay! she'll be back to yelling "blaaake" and terrorizing camden pubs in no time!

instead of posting the grainy shot of amy leaving hospital, i thought i'd add a pic of her from 2004. who is this winehouse?

AMY RETURNS HOME

she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!

it took merely hours for the tabloid king THE SUN to run a trashy piece, complete with a nasty quote from blaaake's mother, georgette fielder-civil:

“I’m not surprised she’s in hospital again. But all that matters to me right now is our son.”

and a precise one from mr. winehouse:

"she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!"

later, mitch kindly brought his ailing daughter some dirty bird. lifting up two greasy bags, he stated cryptically:

“This is how serious it is — I’m bringing her some KFC.”

ew. the image of winehouse gnawing at chicken in a hospital bed should not have been put into my mind. it's like a scene from a creepy old pre-war german film. nightmares guaranteed.

MITCH BRINGS WINO KFC