fielder-civil prison blues

when it comes to the imprisoned blaaake story, there are more flip-flops than a beach in miami. turns out blaaake will NOT be released from jail early- edmund's hill prison has rejected his application.

georgette had this to say:

“Blake and Amy are devastated and I am livid...The Probation Service told us they were happy for him to live with us and we expected him home. Now they have told Blake he will either have go to rehab or a hostel or stay in prison until he completes his sentence. It’s a disgrace...I am going to take my protest to the Home Secretary. I’m going to get my Blake home.”

protest what? blaaake completing his sentence? like the home secretary gives a crap about some spoiled rock star husband!

BLAAAKE TO COMPLETE SENTENCE

sweet reunion, jamaica and spain, we're like how we were again...

winehousewatchers, hold on to your macs and hats: it looks like sid's about to be reunited with her nancy!! blaaake is getting out of jail early! he's finally agreed to the conditions of living with mom, wearing an electronic tag and keeping to a 7pm curfew. blaaake's master plan is to take a daily cab to and from georgette's house 280 miles from camden, costing approx. £894.40. he might as well buy himself a private jet for that kind of cash- a week of trips would cost £6,260.80, almost $13,000 US dollars.

a source says:

“Amy is obviously chuffed. But more surprisingly, even her family and friends are pleased...Because Blake will have to lead this disciplined life to keep in line with his conditions of release they are hoping it will rub off on her too...He has to be back at his mum’s every evening — and he’s so jealous and controlling he won’t want her up to no good without him.”

what!? sheeya, right! the winehouses must be the most naive group of people in london. blaaake will kiss his wife hello and within seconds he'll be high off her fumes.

"Amy has had so many letdowns over the past few months. One minute she’s told he is coming out, then he’s not...Once he’s out he had better behave. A single breach of his curfew could have him whisked back into prison.”

i can see it now. georgette will nag him to clean his room and pick up his towels. wino will drive him mental with her shenanigans. he'll be so exhausted dealing with two crazy women he'll miss his curfew on purpose to return to his jail cell for some peace, quiet and good drugs.

HE WANTS TO BLAAAKE FREE!

naked jail blaaake

waking up this morning to the sun's article about wino posting a naked shot of blaaake online was a bigger jolt than a quadruple espresso. you can also read about it on dlisted, which might make you spit out any morning beverage.

but that's not all in blaaake news! it gets better! apparently mr. fielder-civil has chosen to STAY IN JAIL rather than be released with conditions including staying at his mom georgette's house, following a 7pm curfew and wearing an electronic tag. officials were all ready to release him today but he is much happier in his cell. a source said:

"It was all set for him to be released, but he refused to go to anywhere other than Camden...He doesn’t want to go somewhere where he can’t be reunited with Amy and his friends. He’d rather stay inside."

just yesterday they said he failed a drug test. today they were ready to release him but he said, "no no no". something is not right here...does this mean the media sometimes, um, LIES!?

BLAAAKE PREFERS JAIL TO MOM'S HOUSE

i heart typing "blaaake"

georgette had a lot to say about amy and blaaake to the news of the world, so much so i had to split the article's contents into two posts. that's a lie; the truth is i like to get in as many "blaaake" items in as possible. there is nothing more satisfying than typing blaaake. my pinky finger loves the little dance that typing 3 a's in a row requires. blaaake! blaaake! blaaake! wheee! thanks again, dlisted!

anyway, it sounds like a vacation in blaaake's new cell. georgette says:

“Blake’s been given his own room with an ensuite shower...He also has a TV, CD player and a shelf full of books in his room...He even has his own key so he can lock himself in if he wants privacy...It’s so much nicer than Pentonville, which was the pitts...Edmunds Hill is a really clean and lovely nick...And the difference in Blake since he’s been in there is absolutely amazing...Unlike in Pentonville, no one taunts him about Amy...They are respectful and don’t even mention her name to him...Instead of doing work in prison, Blake has chosen to do an educational course to keep him busy and is doing art and writing...They are preparing him for life on the outside...But he will be very disappointed with Amy’s behaviour...The video will come as a bitter blow to him.”

ensuite shower, tv, cd player, shelf full of books...sounds better than most dorm rooms! my first apartment was a shit hole compared to blaaake's prison mansion. i once lived in an apartment with a tv so crappy it had no remote and you had to stroke it * just * right to turn the volume up/down. and i considered myself lucky to watch fuzzy episodes of the simpsons on sundays. blaaake probably has a remote even though he can reach the tv from his bed.

although i'm pretty liberal, it annoys me to hear about convicts taking advantage of free education in jail when it's so expensive for the rest of us law abiding citizens. but judging from blaaake's sexy fun time letters to a fellow jailbird, he could use some lessons in grammar.

GEORGETTE CAN'T STOP TALKING

you're not hardcore...unless you live hardcore

o, wino, when will you learn to take drugs in the toilet like a good junkie?

a 36 second video showing wino snorting coke at a camden pub last month has been released. in the grainy footage, wino snorts away in the middle of the club, in front of a union jack.

georgette fielder-civil, blaaake's mama, had a lot to say about this. here are some quotes from her latest interview:

“Prison will do Amy far more good than Rehab...I’m shocked by the video. When I look at Amy I think: ‘For Christ’s sake, just get a grip of yourself.’...Enough is enough...As the police know Amy is a drug addict - and she has now been caught twice on film taking illegal drugs - they should arrest her and put her behind bars....Rehab clinics are a waste of money, unless you want them to work...Amy doesn’t want to give up drugs, so she’s got to learn the hard way in prison...Police have to act. She is making a mockery of the law. It has got to stop...The price Amy has got to pay is losing her freedom.”

she also goes on to talk up her angel of a son, blaaake:

“When he went in Pentonville last November he was in a terrible mess. His skin was a horrible dirty yellow colour, he was painfully thin and he had dead eyes. I will never forget that haunted look. I feared we were going to lose him...But they gave him amazing medical treatment in prison to get him off drugs and then helped him conquer his personal demons...It worked a miracle...Now nine months on he looks amazing. He has put on nearly two stone in weight, his skin is glowing with health and he is so relaxed and happy...But while Blake has been inside, Amy has gone disastrously downhill...Prison worked for Blake. It’s the only thing that can now save Amy.”

if wino went to jail, she'd still get high. and i'll believe all this talk of blaaake being a new man when i see it.

WINO'S "COKE VIDEO SHAME" (lol)

she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!

it took merely hours for the tabloid king THE SUN to run a trashy piece, complete with a nasty quote from blaaake's mother, georgette fielder-civil:

“I’m not surprised she’s in hospital again. But all that matters to me right now is our son.”

and a precise one from mr. winehouse:

"she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!"

later, mitch kindly brought his ailing daughter some dirty bird. lifting up two greasy bags, he stated cryptically:

“This is how serious it is — I’m bringing her some KFC.”

ew. the image of winehouse gnawing at chicken in a hospital bed should not have been put into my mind. it's like a scene from a creepy old pre-war german film. nightmares guaranteed.

MITCH BRINGS WINO KFC