winehouse watch

blaaake is free!

2008-11-05T13:09:00.000-08:00

ahhh! i knew all this good news couldn't last! it seems our favourite crap husband, blake fielder-civil, is now a free man! according to the telegraph, blaaake is now in rehab. amy is reported to be at her camden home (as pictured above).

shit. things were going so well! obama is the new pres, winehouse's record label boss called her demos "sensational", and now this!? i really hope that blaaake has a healing effect on our heroine. she deserves it!

btw don't her ballet slippers gleam?

BLAAAKE RELEASED

me & quincy jones

2008-11-05T07:50:00.000-08:00

hello lovelies! first and foremost, before any wino talk, i have to yell to the rooftops:

GO-BAMA! :)

i've been so busy this week expressing my disgust over the jonathan ross/russell brand witch hunt and following the US election i've not kept up on my winehouse news. there hasn't been much, except that our heroine is out of the hospital and looking...kind of...sober and pretty? there's a look in her eyes in the above photo, a look of lucid sanity. like obama, it's damned refreshing!

anyway, today i read that amy has found a new friend in quincy jones, the uber-producer. a source reveals:

"Quincy has taken her under his wing and put her back onto the wagon...The two are collaborating on one or two projects and if anyone in the world can save a talent like Amy then it is 'Q'. He helped relaunch Michael Jackson's career with the Thriller album and has been responsible for countless hits over the years. He knows that if she can start to get her music career sorted then everything else should fit into place."

wino's spokesperson also said:

"They met at the Nelson Mandela concert in the summer and got chatting. He's a big fan of hers and she him. I know that she is also doing a number for the Quincy Jones' tribute album."

what's going on today? obama is elected and winehouse is on the mend? i think i might explode!!

AMY & QUINCY JONES

pas de rehab

2008-10-27T07:03:00.000-07:00

yesterday, the rumour was wino went to rehab. today, mitch's words are vindicated, as she actually IS in hospital for a chest infection. her spokesperson says:

“Amy is in hospital being checked out with for a chest infection. She is not back in rehab...She should be fine and is expected to return home soon.”

i haven't had coffee yet, so i'm not so witty in the brainbox. i'll just issue a standard, "get well amy!!!"

WINO IN HOSPITAL

rehab redux

2008-10-26T11:28:00.001-07:00

this is starting to get old. in order to avoid being arrested for punching some dancer at the end of summer ball, wino has headed to yet another stint in rehab, this time in the harley street clinic. as usual, mitch has opened his big mouth to tell us all that his daughter is suffering from a "chest infection". more details to follow, i am sure!

WINO ESCAPES ARREST BY GOING TO REHAB

wino's intercom interview

2008-10-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

our heroine has not been seen in public since the "end of summer" fiasco, but she did give an impromptu interview to some ballsy french woman through her camden intercom. there was talk of blaaake, bien sur, but nothing revelatory.

my favourite part of the interview is this exchange:

frenchie: "what can i wish for you amy?"

amy: "huh?"

frenchie: "what can we wish you for the future?"

amy: "don't worry about me, worry about yourselves and promise me you'll buy my album"

...just like brian wilson did...

2008-10-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

our heroine has finally said "screw you world" and taken to her bed. aw, poor girl. she missed her DJ set at the monarch pub last thursday night, saying she was bedridden. a source says:

"She's always showed up when she's been down to play here before, but apparently tonight she can't get out of bed. She's been looking so thin and haggard lately, it's a real worry."

in other depressing wino news, it has been rumoured that she has completely stopped working on her third album because she hasn't written any worthwhile songs. le sigh.

ALBUM #3 ON HOLD

WINO LIES IN BED

tuesday sorbet: ADELE

2008-10-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

adele is something else. at just 20 years old, she was nominated for this year's mercury prize for her self-penned album, "19". she performed on SNL this past weekend and kicked some serious butt. what a fantastic voice!

here is her video for her latest hit, "cold shoulder". the chorus is as catchy as a cold!

wino be jammin'

2008-10-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

be prepared for your eyes, ears and subconscious mind to be assaulted. this youtube clip has been online for a few months but is picking up steam, having appeared lately on a few blogs (including perez hilton). it features wino jamming in her studio with a family of leeches, um, i mean some friends.

there are so many disturbing elements to this clip: wino's distended stomach, the glee in the voices of the hangers-on as they start the tape, the lonely xylophone guy...it's like a freaky post-modern german horror film with a really bad soundtrack. watch and judge, my pretties, but only if you're in a strong state of mind. if you're feeling even remotely fragile, this will send you directly to bed for a nap.

candy darling

2008-10-14T10:29:00.000-07:00

i'm a few days late on reporting the "coke-and-candy-floss" story, which i will blame on two turkeys and a lasagna. here it is, from gigwise, and i 'believe this is verbatim...':

Amy Winehouse has reportedly thought up a brand spanking new way of taking cocaine – mixing it with candyfloss.

The 25-year-old singer was apparently spurred on by Babyshambles' lead guitarist Mick Whitnall after she bought a candyfloss machine for £700.

According to the News of the World, Wino loves the concoction so much that and has even held 'Coke and Candy' parties at her house.

A 'pal' said: “It was Mik’s idea. The candyfloss machine was Amy’s pride and joy and he thought it would be funny to give it a boost...He and some pals sprinkled a wrap of coke into the mixture and Amy started eating it before she realised what they’d done. She now thinks it’s a hoot to do the same.”

yegads! i thought vodka pops were decadent!

knives out

2008-10-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

when a rock star compares their own destiny to that of sid vicious, it's only a matter of time before something really bad happens. it is alleged that amy held a knife to her chest in a desperate cry for help, saying "What is the point of living?". a friend revealed:

“Amy said she was ‘caught up in a nightmare’...Her friends managed to get the knife away from her but are now holding a 24-hour watch on her...Amy has a death wish. Her emotions are exaggerated. She is either high as a kite or, when she hears something she doesn't like, she's suicidal...She is all for this stupid Sid Vicious notion of dying young. She is not scared of it and believes it is her destiny."

man, this is depressing stuff for a monday morning. i've got a miserable cold at the moment and thought i felt rotten enough- now after reading today's winehouse headlines i'm wiped right out. when the fuzz in my head clears, perhaps i will have some witticisms to impart. but for now i'll leave you with wino's funeral themed video for "back to black". it seems appropriate.

WINO: "CAUGHT IN A NIGHTMARE"

blaaake maaakes mitch twitch

2008-10-06T06:41:00.000-07:00

blaaake has written a lot of icky letters from jail over the past months, but this time he might have gone too far. mitch winehouse claims he received a 6-page letter from blaaake rife with violent threats and abuse. the letter is now in the hands of police; a source close to mitch says:

“I could hear Mitch physically shaking when he phoned to tell me about the letter...He couldn’t even bring himself to read it out loud as it was just too sickening...But he told me that Blake described graphic scenes from a horror movie, in which Mitch is the victim...Part of Mitch wants to pursue this further with the police, maybe even taking out a restraining order...But then he is worried about it all driving a wedge between him and Amy.”

the question is: whose side will wino be on? her father's or her waste-of-space husband's? i'd like to think she'd side with the former, but something tells me she'd stand by her blaaake and make excuses. "he's just creative, dad! he wants to write a screenplay, don't you know? he just wanted some feedback!"

BLAAAKE'S POISON PEN STRIKES AGAIN

alien amy

2008-10-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

i'm a little nervous posting about scientology- they, like all organized churches, give me the heebs something fierce. scientology isn't much different from any other church who preys on the weak to boost their numbers. the christians pray to a big man in the sky, the scientologists believe in aliens. they both ask for money...same room, different colour, isn't it?

anyway, it has been reported that the church of scientology has contacted our heroine. a source says:

“She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album...They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.”

drying out with the help of scientology is a lot of work. first, the addict is given vitamin cocktails (mmm cocktails!). next, they are given a series of saunas and put on a "detox diet". finally, they have to work through self-help books. if wino did go through it, imagine how much those workbooks would be worth in the future!

TOM CRUISE WANTS WINO

fielder-civil prison blues

2008-10-05T12:07:00.000-07:00

when it comes to the imprisoned blaaake story, there are more flip-flops than a beach in miami. turns out blaaake will NOT be released from jail early- edmund's hill prison has rejected his application.

georgette had this to say:

“Blake and Amy are devastated and I am livid...The Probation Service told us they were happy for him to live with us and we expected him home. Now they have told Blake he will either have go to rehab or a hostel or stay in prison until he completes his sentence. It’s a disgrace...I am going to take my protest to the Home Secretary. I’m going to get my Blake home.”

protest what? blaaake completing his sentence? like the home secretary gives a crap about some spoiled rock star husband!

BLAAAKE TO COMPLETE SENTENCE

"i can't believe what has happened to me. i am so sad"

2008-09-29T14:16:00.001-07:00

more disturbing details on wino's "end of summer" fiasco have emerged. someone needs to sit her down and make her watch "the rose", "la vie en rose" and "lady sings the blues" on continuous loop until a lightbulb goes off in her head.

wino had dionne bromfield, her 12 year old god daughter, replace her at this big-assed gig because she couldn't face performing. she joined dionne on stage, uttering a few grunts resembling backups and clutching her god-awful shorts. then, amy skulked across the stage bellowing, "This is Dionne, everyone, Dionne. Remember this f****** name, you don’t f****** know.” after only a few songs, wino became so emotional she dragged the girl off before it was over! weeping backstage and clutching dionne in her scraggly arms, she made the following statements to journalists;

“I was more nervous about the gig than Dionne. I couldn’t even leave the house without her.It was so emotional being on stage with her...I got so upset I started crying and had to drag her off...I love her. She’s f****** amazing.”

“When I look at Dionne she reminds me of myself. I used to be this little girl who liked Celine Dion and singing, this beautiful sweet girl with innocent dreams...Look where I am now. Look what happened to my dreams. This isn’t a life – I’m a mess, look at me...But this girl has everything ahead of her. She’s so beautiful and she reminds me so much of myself...This beautiful happy girl, she is so much like I used to be. I don’t want to leave her alone. I can’t believe what has happened to me. I am so sad.”

wino listened to celine dion? ew! she then made the obligatory reference to her blaaake;

“Dionne doesn’t have a boyfriend, she doesn't have a Blake to mess her up. She’s sweet and should stay like that...What life do I have? My life begins when Blake gets out of prison. He is my life, I want to see him.”

and so it went. now, our heroine's friends are so concerned they are setting up camp camden. a source says;

“No one wants to leave Amy on her own — she’s in a very fragile state at the moment...Her most loyal friends are terrified she is going to do something which she can’t overcome...She’s been to hell and back already but some fear she’s going to get worse before she gets better."

am i stating the obvious when i say ROCK N ROLL INTERVENTION? get bowie, jagger, iggy pop, dave gahan, courteney love, clapton, david crosby and ozzy together and storm that apartment!

WINO: "I AM SO SAD"

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE

sweet reunion, jamaica and spain, we're like how we were again...

2008-09-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

winehousewatchers, hold on to your macs and hats: it looks like sid's about to be reunited with her nancy!! blaaake is getting out of jail early! he's finally agreed to the conditions of living with mom, wearing an electronic tag and keeping to a 7pm curfew. blaaake's master plan is to take a daily cab to and from georgette's house 280 miles from camden, costing approx. £894.40. he might as well buy himself a private jet for that kind of cash- a week of trips would cost £6,260.80, almost $13,000 US dollars.

a source says:

“Amy is obviously chuffed. But more surprisingly, even her family and friends are pleased...Because Blake will have to lead this disciplined life to keep in line with his conditions of release they are hoping it will rub off on her too...He has to be back at his mum’s every evening — and he’s so jealous and controlling he won’t want her up to no good without him.”

what!? sheeya, right! the winehouses must be the most naive group of people in london. blaaake will kiss his wife hello and within seconds he'll be high off her fumes.

"Amy has had so many letdowns over the past few months. One minute she’s told he is coming out, then he’s not...Once he’s out he had better behave. A single breach of his curfew could have him whisked back into prison.”

i can see it now. georgette will nag him to clean his room and pick up his towels. wino will drive him mental with her shenanigans. he'll be so exhausted dealing with two crazy women he'll miss his curfew on purpose to return to his jail cell for some peace, quiet and good drugs.

HE WANTS TO BLAAAKE FREE!

"life can't go on, i can't do this"

2008-09-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

all right. this is enough now! wino crawled out from under a camden rock to make an appearance at london's end of the summer ball, purportedly to support her 12 year old god-daughter's singing debut. as usual, it became the "omg look at what a mess wino is" show. wino pulled focus, hugged and squeezed dionne while she was trying to sing. a source says:

"It was tragic — she seemed totally wasted. She was jumping all over Dionne as the poor girl tried to sing for the crowd. Amy didn’t really sing a single note — it sounded more like she was grunting down the mic...Amy was then asked to pose for the event’s official photographer, but flipped and tried to headbutt him. She looked like a woman possessed."

backstage, wino had a meltdown, bursting into tears and saying, "Life can't go on, I can't do this." she later arrived home dishevelled, grasping at her loose beehive and wearing only one ballet flat.

WINO SOBS "LIFE CAN'T GO ON, I CAN'T DO THIS"

vomit comet

2008-09-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

ok. there is a line that we as humans agree not to cross. that line is imposing our bodily fluids on strangers.

wino, our dear, misguided heroine, has crossed that line. Employees at Harvey Nichols were disgusted to find amy had returned 25,000 pounds of clothing caked in vomit.

an insider says:

“Unfortunately, while wearing one of the frocks, she went on an all-night bender...She ended up in the loos, where she was violently sick. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty...She eventually couriered them back on Monday, but didn’t wrap them separately. So sick had gone on all the clothes...Even worse, green, furry mould had developed on some gowns, making them unwearable...The store publicists weren’t best pleased. They send stuff out to celebs all the time, but it never gets into such a state...I doubt Amy will be sent any more designer gear for a while and the store has now asked for its £25k back."

*sigh* i'm at a loss for words, my darlings. how can someone who wrote something as divine as "wake up alone" be so disgusting? this is the sign of a person who no longer gives a shit.

WINO PUKES ON DESIGNER CLOTHES

tuesday sorbet: CHARLIE BROOKER

2008-09-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

many of my sorbets have been pretty/show-bizzy type people, so today i am exposing you to the mad brilliance of charlie brooker, the UK's premiere curmudgeon. columnist and television critic, charlie's guardian columns are witty, sarcastic and full of pertinent observations on the inanity of modern media.

i am now going to do something that is long overdue...EMBED A VIDEO! enjoy this clip from "charlie brooker's screenwipe", a fantastic series that ridicules all that is vapid and stupid on british airwaves. this particular clip takes on the "broadway reality tv phenomenon". all i can say is the josephs scare the hell out me!

jailhouse crack rock

2008-09-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

if the residents of camden hear tortured howls of "blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!" ringing through the air tonight, they can blame everyone's favourite crap husband, blake fielder-civil. edmund's hill prison's offer of early release on the condition of entering rehab has been refused, demonstrating blaaake's firm commitment to wino's anthem.

a source says:

"This will be another blow for her. Blake could have gone to rehab and sorted himself out but would rather see out his sentence in prison...All he wants is a free reign when he leaves, which means living with Amy back in Camden...But if he is turning down these chances to leave jail and get clean, it doesn’t bode well for him and Amy when he finally does get out."

blaaake is so stupid. he could have gotten out of jail, paid lip service to rehab and be back in amy's scraggly arms before the leaves fall. together, they could have happily huffed fake snow whilst decorating their crack den in homemade tinfoil ornaments.

BLAAAKE REFUSES RELEASE ONCE AGAIN

wino's next album: chinese democracy?

2008-09-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

eeeekkk!!! i was attempting to find pics of wino in the studio and THIS is what kept coming up...wino in the woods! i post it to remind us all to say no to hard drugs. next time you're at a party and some "U4-ia" (sly vintage 90210 reference, nudge nudge) is offered, think of wino and just say no. smoke a little green, drink a bottle of red wine, smoke a pack of camels; you'll feel shitty the next day, but you won't be wino'ed.

nonetheless, i've neglected winehousewatch in recent days; there's been very little news and quite frankly, i don't want to waste your time with too much nonsense. however, after reading that our heroine has produced only two unfinished tracks after 6 months in the studio, i am vexed.

a source says:

"With all the problems surrounding her personal issues and addictions we are really concerned it will never get finished. If six months produces two half-baked tracks how long will an album take?...Unless she sorts herself out and gets some focus it might never happen."

is wino destined to be like axel rose, working tirelessly at an album that will never see the light of day? worst of all, will 'frank' and 'back to black' be the only winehouse albums we the public will ever know? no! it would be tragic!

WINO'S "CHINESE DEMOCRACY"

naked jail blaaake

2008-09-16T06:33:00.000-07:00

waking up this morning to the sun's article about wino posting a naked shot of blaaake online was a bigger jolt than a quadruple espresso. you can also read about it on dlisted, which might make you spit out any morning beverage.

but that's not all in blaaake news! it gets better! apparently mr. fielder-civil has chosen to STAY IN JAIL rather than be released with conditions including staying at his mom georgette's house, following a 7pm curfew and wearing an electronic tag. officials were all ready to release him today but he is much happier in his cell. a source said:

"It was all set for him to be released, but he refused to go to anywhere other than Camden...He doesn’t want to go somewhere where he can’t be reunited with Amy and his friends. He’d rather stay inside."

just yesterday they said he failed a drug test. today they were ready to release him but he said, "no no no". something is not right here...does this mean the media sometimes, um, LIES!?

BLAAAKE PREFERS JAIL TO MOM'S HOUSE

wake up alone

2008-09-15T07:16:00.001-07:00

wino's beehive will be her new year's eve date after all. blaaake has failed a random jailhouse drug test and will be spending an extra 28 days inside.

amy is reported to be "heartbroken".

BLAAAKE STAYS IN JAIL

a quarter of a century...makes a girl think...

2008-09-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

what a waste of a guitar shaped cake! wino refused to show up at her 25th birthday party. guests adele, mark ronson and mom janis waited at the jazz after dark club in london for hours, but friend remi nicole couldn't convince wino to leave the house. it is reported that wino was screaming, "i look fucking ugly!"

the sun reports:

Three cabs were called to the star’s house in Camden, North London.

Two were sent away before Remi had enough and took the third home after three hours trying to get Amy out.

A pal said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked...Unfortunately her lifestyle has had a major affect on her appearance and it’s only just started to sink in...She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out...Remi had organised the night and made a huge effort. They had a huge row...Amy can be very selfish — there was no convincing her and she ruined the night for everyone, including herself.”

wino also missed out on gifts of paintings, one of her beloved nan and one of her and blaaake. you know someone's messed up with they say no to cake.

IT'S MY PARTY & I'LL PIKE IF I WANT TO

i can't help you, if you won't...help yourself...

2008-09-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

last night, our heroine arrived 2 hours late to her DJ set at the monarch pub looking like a dog's breakfast. she left the club at 3 30 am, wobbling and stumbling into the street until friends urged her into a cab. a source reports:

"The pub was packed at first, until people started to get restless. Many decided to leave before Amy arrived, which left the pub looking quite empty...She didn't greet the crowd when she finally appeared. After playing two songs, she mumbled into the mic, 'thanks for coming down, much obliged'"

i've found a plethora of frightening pics from wino's night out. jesus god man, she looks terrible. thanks to dlisted and the sun for the shots.

RAVAGED WINO

scooby-duvet-doo

2008-09-10T12:38:00.000-07:00

wino partied like it's 1999 after her bestival gig (with 48 bottles of jack on the rider), so much so the wellington hotel kicked her out. the hotel claims that wino did 5,000 pounds worth of damage by burning furniture with cigarette butts and covering carpets with booze.

a source said:

"Amy was a total mess. She couldn’t manage to walk to the car so they had to wrap her in a duvet."

ew! i don't even want to imagine the state of that duvet- i pity the person in her entourage who had to shove it into an itty-bitty british laundry machine.

WINO WRECKS HOTEL ROOM

bestival for the restival

2008-09-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

i apologize to my small readership for not reporting on wino's bestival performance, but quite frankly, there isn't much to say. she showed up late, played a short set, seemed out of it. i've scoured the net and can't find any videoclips. so here's tim jonze's review for the guardian, and i believe this is verbatim...

Who: Amy Winehouse

Dress code: Nautical but nice - the band are all decked out like sailors, while Wino sings ("sings") from behind a ship's steering wheel.

Who's watching: The biggest crowd of the festival so far - and most of them are clearly here for the car crash.

In a nutshell: OK, so I'm one of about three people on earth who watched The Wino play Glastonbury this year and came back proclaiming it a triumph. But if Guardian blog commenters thought that was a bad show, they should have seen this. Admittedly, things got better. They had to - the first song (Addicted, I think) was barely recognisable, thanks to the fact Amy only sang about 23% of the lyrics. But even when she got her voice back, the whole thing felt a bit nasty, overstepping the increasingly thin line between troubled genius and total shambles. Maybe if we hadn't just spent an hour dancing to Hot Chip, whose rave-tastic set blew the mud halfway to Newport, it wouldn't have seemed so bad. But we had, and in comparison to that, a set of half-sung Sam Cooke and Zutons covers from a woman who could barely stand-up straight didn't exactly top off the night in style.

Bestival: She turned up, she played, there was no riot.

Worstival: The wait for her to get onstage - about 80 minutes, but it felt like hours.

NME's TAKE ON BESTIVAL

tuesday sorbet: CLIVE OWEN

2008-09-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

what else can one do but sigh wistfully over the manly goodness that is clive owen?

god bless clive!

wino ditches ronson for remi

2008-09-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

amy is going back to basics by working along side salaam remi, her first producer on "frank", on her new album.

her spokesman said:

"There has been some music written, recorded and done but details aren't forthcoming as yet...The diary is clear to really nail down the album for the forseeable future and to allow some relaxing recovery time. Amy always wants to perform and over the summer they booked all these one off dates to keep the pressure off. Then there's the release of Blake before Xmas and we'll see what happens then."

salaam better keep wino working cause once blaaake gets out, the whole shit house will go up in flames!

NO MORE RONSON

48 bottles of jack on the rider...

2008-09-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

wino has requested a staggering 48 bottles of jack daniels for her bestival gig.

a source tells the sun:

"...It’s common for artists to make requests for food and beverages before they arrive. ...But organisers have heard Miss Winehouse has ordered in an extremely large amount of Jack Daniel’s, in fact, a ridiculous amount that she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay...Everyone is really excited about getting Amy to perform here, and naturally there are now fears she is planning something wild..."

am i evil to rub my hands with glee in anticipation over the youtube clips in my future?

BACK TO JACK

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

2008-09-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

wino has taken up buddhist chanting!

a friend (who are these so-called friends!?) said:

"One of her musician friends introduced Amy to Buddhist chanting. She chants for ten minutes in the mornings and just before she sleeps. Amy has also been watching the interview clip with Tina Turner chanting on YouTube and she reckons it's already affecting her in a positive way. She has a string of Buddhist beads that she chants with, which she keeps in a red silk scarf. She says chanting is filling her life with positivity while she is trying to sort herself out"

try replacing "i go back to black" or "some unholy war" with "nam myoho renge kyo". whee!

WINO CHANTS

wino no show pisses off the French

2008-08-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

the French are not amused by wino's no-show. bbc reports:

The organisers of a French music concert are threatening legal action after headliner Amy Winehouse pulled out on Friday with just hours to go.

Rock En Seine said there was "no explanation of the exact reasons for her absence...We are very sorry about this situation and share the disappointment of the festival-goers.".

no matter the reality behind why wino cancelled, it really comes down to one thing: she was unable to perform. hungover, menstrual, too high, sore throat, depressed, sick of everything- we've all had our days when we just curl up in bed and say "screw it". however, when you or i call in sick to work, there aren't thousands of people disappointed by our day of slack.

i wonder what wino's favourite "sick day" movie is? mine is bridget jones' diary. what's yours?

FRENCH THREATEN TO SUE WINO

she be illin'

2008-08-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

amy has cancelled her "rock en seine" gig due to illness. her publicist said:

"Amy Winehouse was regrettably unable to perform at the Rock En Seine show in Paris tonight, Friday August 29th, due to illness. She was taken ill at her house and wasn't able to travel to France for the concert."

i'm always suspicious when someone is described as "ill". it's so general- if she had a cold and her voice was affected, they'd say so. i hope for her sake she just had bad cramps and wanted to stay home and is not on the brink of hospitalization. get better amy!

WINO CANCELS PARIS SHOW

i can be very cruel...i have been taught by masters

2008-08-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

what is up with all these "polls"? it seems like there's a poll for everything and our heroine is topping a lot of lists these days!

winehouse has been voted "worst hotel guest" and "worst celebrity skin". worst hotel guest is a dubious yet kind of funny rockNroll title, but worst skin is really insulting. yes, her skin is bad. yes, the drugs have obviously wreaked havoc; but is it necessary to shove it in her scabby face? wino, no matter how messed up she is, remains a human being. her feelings i am sure are hurt by the hateful things people say.

i know i joke around on this blog, but i really try not to descend into cruelty. when it comes down to it, i love the winehouse and admire her incredible talent. let's collectively wish her the best, shall we?

WINO'S WORSTS

well done wino: me & mr. jones/valerie, bbc sessions, 2007

2008-08-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

wino seems only *slightly* drunk in this performance, which means her voice is in decent shape. yay!

i couldn't decide between the two clips so lucky you, i'm posting them both! me & mr. jones has great vocals, end of story. but valerie is a strange interpretation, as she starts to cry in the 2nd verse. wino must have been thinking about (what else?) her blaaake! she keeps it together, which sadly is more than can be said for her 2008 performances so far.

tuesday sorbet: KATE WINSLET

2008-08-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

ah, the winslet. who can say they dislike today's sorbet, kate winslet? she's beautiful, opinionated, intelligent, independent, sassy and one hell of an actress. long live kate!

here is my favourite kate moment of all time, from "sense and sensibility". enjoy!

you talkin' to me?

2008-08-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

well slap my ass and call me susan. mitch winehouse has been offered a film role- as a cab driver!

the sun's gordon smart reports:

A film insider told me: 'Mitch has become almost as recognisable as Amy. He’s always on hand when his daughter gets into scrapes...He comes across very well when he appears on TV to defend his daughter and the film’s producers like his charm.'

The untitled project, currently in pre-production, centres around a one-hit wonder in the 1980s and Amy’s dad is said to have jumped at the chance to take part."

mitch jumping at a chance at the limelight? quel surprise!

MITCH WINO, SUPERSTAR

i heart typing "blaaake"

2008-08-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

georgette had a lot to say about amy and blaaake to the news of the world, so much so i had to split the article's contents into two posts. that's a lie; the truth is i like to get in as many "blaaake" items in as possible. there is nothing more satisfying than typing blaaake. my pinky finger loves the little dance that typing 3 a's in a row requires. blaaake! blaaake! blaaake! wheee! thanks again, dlisted!

anyway, it sounds like a vacation in blaaake's new cell. georgette says:

“Blake’s been given his own room with an ensuite shower...He also has a TV, CD player and a shelf full of books in his room...He even has his own key so he can lock himself in if he wants privacy...It’s so much nicer than Pentonville, which was the pitts...Edmunds Hill is a really clean and lovely nick...And the difference in Blake since he’s been in there is absolutely amazing...Unlike in Pentonville, no one taunts him about Amy...They are respectful and don’t even mention her name to him...Instead of doing work in prison, Blake has chosen to do an educational course to keep him busy and is doing art and writing...They are preparing him for life on the outside...But he will be very disappointed with Amy’s behaviour...The video will come as a bitter blow to him.”

ensuite shower, tv, cd player, shelf full of books...sounds better than most dorm rooms! my first apartment was a shit hole compared to blaaake's prison mansion. i once lived in an apartment with a tv so crappy it had no remote and you had to stroke it * just * right to turn the volume up/down. and i considered myself lucky to watch fuzzy episodes of the simpsons on sundays. blaaake probably has a remote even though he can reach the tv from his bed.

although i'm pretty liberal, it annoys me to hear about convicts taking advantage of free education in jail when it's so expensive for the rest of us law abiding citizens. but judging from blaaake's sexy fun time letters to a fellow jailbird, he could use some lessons in grammar.

GEORGETTE CAN'T STOP TALKING

you're not hardcore...unless you live hardcore

2008-08-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

o, wino, when will you learn to take drugs in the toilet like a good junkie?

a 36 second video showing wino snorting coke at a camden pub last month has been released. in the grainy footage, wino snorts away in the middle of the club, in front of a union jack.

georgette fielder-civil, blaaake's mama, had a lot to say about this. here are some quotes from her latest interview:

“Prison will do Amy far more good than Rehab...I’m shocked by the video. When I look at Amy I think: ‘For Christ’s sake, just get a grip of yourself.’...Enough is enough...As the police know Amy is a drug addict - and she has now been caught twice on film taking illegal drugs - they should arrest her and put her behind bars....Rehab clinics are a waste of money, unless you want them to work...Amy doesn’t want to give up drugs, so she’s got to learn the hard way in prison...Police have to act. She is making a mockery of the law. It has got to stop...The price Amy has got to pay is losing her freedom.”

she also goes on to talk up her angel of a son, blaaake:

“When he went in Pentonville last November he was in a terrible mess. His skin was a horrible dirty yellow colour, he was painfully thin and he had dead eyes. I will never forget that haunted look. I feared we were going to lose him...But they gave him amazing medical treatment in prison to get him off drugs and then helped him conquer his personal demons...It worked a miracle...Now nine months on he looks amazing. He has put on nearly two stone in weight, his skin is glowing with health and he is so relaxed and happy...But while Blake has been inside, Amy has gone disastrously downhill...Prison worked for Blake. It’s the only thing that can now save Amy.”

if wino went to jail, she'd still get high. and i'll believe all this talk of blaaake being a new man when i see it.

WINO'S "COKE VIDEO SHAME" (lol)

tee hee

2008-08-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

comedian zoe lyons won the prize for best joke at the edinburgh festival fringe with a one-liner aimed at wino. i gotta say it's witty!

"I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her."

zoe, upon accepting the award, said;

"I am absolutely delighted to have won the award. I know self-harming is not funny but it's just a joke, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it."

take that, sarah silverman! she'll be pissed she didn't come up with that one!

WINO JOKE VOTED FUNNIEST @ FRINGE

WTF wino: valerie, some london pub, 2008

2008-08-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

in order to keep this blog fresh and exciting for all 3 of you reading, i sift through a lot of winehouse material. some days, it feels like i've seen it all and think there can't possibly be any more shockingly bad clips of wino making a sad fool of herself in public.

and then there are days like today.

this clip of wino givin'er with the band is a classic fall down drunk performance. (hey, we've all been there- i know i've slobbered over a microphone at karaoke or in some blues bar in my youth) i'm not criticizing wino for getting shit-faced if she wants to...but she needs to stop getting on stage in this state when everything she does is captured on camera! this is just madness. the last minute is sheer torture, it is cringe-worthy.

after watching the previous all my loving clip, this one makes me want to cry. get some help wino! listen to russell and go to rehab!

well done wino: all my loving, bbc3, 2004

2008-08-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

i had to dig way, way deep into the vaults to find something worthy of a "well done wino" post this week. after clearing out the cobwebs of youtube, i managed to find a precious, hidden gem.

"all my loving" is one of my favourite beatles songs. it always struck me as simple, but in amy's hands, the outstanding melody and melancholic lyrics really come to life. the superior quality of her voice in comparison to last week's v fest is extremely depressing, though. it is possible to retrain her voice- hell, cyndi lauper completely lost hers after a year singing joplin and retrained it gloriously- but it will be an uphill battle. perhaps years from now we'll refer to 2008 amy like we refer to 'fat elvis'. shame.

wino's wonderwall

2008-08-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

six years ago, russell brand was in the throes of heroin addiction. since attending rehab at focus 12, he's been dead sober. today, he is attempting to help winehouse get clean.

the telegraph reports:

The soul artist is reported to have booked into the small Focus 12 clinic in Bury St Edmunds, where comedian Russell Brand was treated for his addiction to drugs.

It is only 15 miles from Category C Highpoint Prison, near Newmarket, where Fielder-Civil was sent after being moved from Pentonville Prison in London earlier this month.

Her father Mitch Winehouse said: "This is a very good idea. If she can get clean and still see Blake it can only be good."

Two weeks ago it was reported that Winehouse was flat-hunting in Bury St Edmunds to make it easier to visit her 26-year-old husband.

It was then that Brand, a presenter on Radio 2, suggested to Focus 12 chief executive Chip Somers that she could get treatment locally at the same time. Mr Somers agreed and contacted the star.

i hate to be a debbie downer, but can wino really be successful in rehab? being so famous and so under the microscope, can she fully participate in focus 12's group counselling? she must be so afraid of someone selling her out to the tabloids: "winehouse spills secrets! secret cell phone footage!"

aw, but brand stepping in to help...how deliciously, bizarrely appropriate. wino's beehive must have appeared to ol' russ in a dream, singing the chorus of wonderwall. check out the youtube link below of wino on brand's tv show. no doubt about it-they are definitely cut from the same mad genius cloth (russ yells at wino, "winehouse, do a record you lunatic! sing it out of your gob!").

tuesday sorbet: COLIN FIRTH

2008-08-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

today's sorbet honours the gorgeous manliness of colin firth, who is not only dreamy as all hell but also one of britain's greatest actors. *le sigh*

mr. firth sure looks good in a waistcoat. any woman with a heartbeat swoons over him as mister darcy in bbc's "pride and prejudice"- he is just pure romantic perfection in that role. he's also wonderful in "girl with a pearl earring" as the painter vermeer. like romola garai (imagine the two of them in one movie, mon dieu!), he conveys so much emotion without speaking a word, especially whilst listening to a conversation. and who can forget him uncomfortably sporting that terrible novelty jumper in "bridget jones' diary"?

here are some clips for your midday swoon-a-thon:

DARCY STRIPS AND JUMPS IN THE LAKE

DARCY PROFESSES LOVE TO LIZZIE

VERMEER SEES GRIET'S HAIR

BRIDGET JONES INTERVIEWS COLIN (very funny!)

party at wino's

2008-08-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

this is what happens to a person after only 3 hours inside wino's camden crack den. sadie frost (fashionista/jude law's ex/actress) went to visit amy stone cold sober and reappeared completely wasted! on a monday night! gotta love these hardcore brits!

here sadie emerges with kristian marr...check out his eyes. there's no question he'll be picking up a curry takeaway on the way home.

i'm jealous! i wanna party at wino's! it looks like a good old fashioned 70s style shindig complete with cigarettes, hard liquor, a bong shaped like a buddha, coke on mirrors, led zep on the stereo and late night jiffy pop!

SADIE'S BEEN WINO-ED

V fest- take 2

2008-08-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

wino cleaned up a bit for her 2nd V fest performance; probably because there was tv coverage. here's two youtube clips for your bemusement and amusement:

VALERIE V FEST

BACK TO BLACK V FEST

winehouse of oz

2008-08-18T06:56:00.000-07:00

rumours continue to swirl about wino's new album. reports have claimed she's writing about meatballs and cooking, but now it seems the inspiration isn't coming from little balls of meat but the classic hollywood film, "the wizard of oz".

a source tells THE SUN:

“She loves the surreal look, sound and score. One of her new songs heavily samples the theme tune...And the soundtrack and score will be a theme running throughout the record...really interesting, if a little bizarre...I suppose that’s what you would expect from her at the moment.”

this will only be a good idea if she skips the munchins and includes the witch's guardsmen chant: "oh ee oh, ooooohhhhh OH!" come to think of it, this sounds like a terrible idea. i'll be interested to see how this comes together- if all the reports are true about the meatballs and oz, this will be one terrifying album. even scarier than bowie's 'one outside', and that shit is scary.

INSPIRED BY OZ

back to black & tan

2008-08-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

it's still too early for youtube clips of yesterday's V festival (give it a few days), but the press has been not so flattering about wino's performance/appearance.

the daily mail reports:

Looking sallow-faced and grubby with dark smears of make-up around her eyes, she coughed and spluttered her way through the set, forgetting the words to Back to Black and mumbling to herself between songs...Amy dedicated Wake Up Alone to husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who is serving a 27-month prison sentence, which prompted a smattering of boos from the crowd.

a shout out to blaaake is an integral part of a winehouse gig...and so are the boos, it seems. but what is the deal with the smeared fake tan? junkies don't have tans! kurt cobain, the entire cast of trainspotting, early 90s calvin klein models: no tans in sight.

AMY LOOKS BAD

i told you i was trouble...

2008-08-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

isn't she precious? wino is up to her old tricks again. last night, she punched fans who stupidly try to touch her or take cell phone pics, attempted to escape from her own entourage and bought strange, random items from convenience stores.

amy was attending a fundraiser for the hawley arms pub, a favourite haunt of hers that was damaged in the camden fire earlier this year. she dressed up for the occasion, smearing herself with fake tanner and donning her classic ballet pumps.

i feel a bit sorry for the fan who reached out to touch her arm and ask how she was (see the video here), but at this same time, she should know better! if i were anywhere near wino i would take 5 steps back and adopt a fencing stance.

seriouly though, our heroine needs to get off the booze and hard drugs and start smoking weed again. at least she'd be less crabby and might eat something once in awhile. sheesh.

CAMDEN'S WILD CHILD

ON THE ATTACK

abbey road

2008-08-14T12:14:00.001-07:00

once upon a time, monks were hidden away from the outside world. today, they are rock stars who keep laptops in their cells. i bet they sew little pockets into their robes so they can carry their cell phones and ipods around the monastery.

anyway, the Cistercian Monks of Stift Heiligenkreuz want to save our girl wino. brother Johannes Paul Chavanne said this:

"For 10 minutes I liked [Back to Black, Winehouse's 2006 album]...But when I read the lyrics I thought it was sad. I would like to invite her here - I feel sympathetic to people like her. She could stay a week or two and discuss the big questions of life - faith might be an answer for her."

these monks are hardcore, man. they start their "praying and working" at 5:15 am and go until 8 pm. there's no way a monk could drag wino out of bed at 5 am! that beehive doesn't rise from the pillow before noon without a cigarette, irish coffee and 10 advils.

i met a buddhist monk once- he was really cool. he didn't speak a word of english, but we went to an art gallery together and "discussed" art. he even gave me a korean name, "soo yun" (waterlily). i wish i could have asked him the real burning question: "do monks wear underwear under those robes?"

MONK ROCK

WTF wino: winemouse, 2008

2008-08-14T09:52:00.001-07:00

sure, this video is old news. but who can resist the charms of dirty fingered doherty&wino making baby mice speak? the quotes are priceless:

"he looks like johnny borrell just out of the bath!"

"this is the dawning...of a newwwwww mouse life!"

"daddy! daddy!"

and of course, the classic "message for blaaake":

"blaaake, please don't divorce mummy...she loves you ever so...if you divorce her, you'll have me to deal with. i'm only a day old, i don't know what i'm doing, but i know what love is."

this is the wino that haunts the nightmares of the brits. cree-py!

well done wino: love is a losing game, 2006

2008-08-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

i'm always blown away by this performance. vocally it's stunning (even better than the original) and the emotion she puts into the song is spellbinding. it's especially touching when she asks, "was that all right?" at the end of the song.

was that all right? it was bloody genius, amy!

nightmare on wino street

2008-08-12T16:56:00.001-07:00

well here's an obvious news item: winehouse gives people nightmares! no!

a travelodge survey of 3,500 brits compiled a list of celebrity freddy kruegers. here's the top ten:

Amy Winehouse
Marilyn Manson
Gordon Brown
Pete Doherty
The Cheeky Girls
Simon Cowell/Kerry Katona
Cherie Blair
Jodie Marsh
Heather Mills
Alistair Darling

i would think heather mills would be higher up on that list. *shudder* can you imagine a nightmare starring ALL these weirdos? i'd never sleep again!

WINO GIVES BRITS NIGHTMARES

tuesday sorbet: ROMOLA GARAI

2008-08-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

contrary to popular belief, i'm not a total grouch. i may loathe duffy (who has also complained about being compared to leona lewis...jesus god man that girl is annoying) but i am not against all blonde brits. i am proving my faith in british blondes by featuring the chameleon-esque actress romola garai as today's sorbet.

you have most likely seen her as grown up briony in "atonement" or as amelia sedley in "vanity fair". i loved her in both movies- she just has a way of pulling your heart strings without speaking a word. i cry everytime i see that scene in vanity fair when her son snobbishly rejects the peasant shirts she makes for him ("silly old mama!"). i also love the scene when she is reunited with her beloved piano after her family loses all their money.

we'll all pretend "dirty dancing 2: havana nights" is not on her resume...

ROMOLA: ON A ROLL

CLIP FROM VANITY FAIR w/ RHYS IFANS

my bond is better than your bond

2008-08-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

wino is vexed about not singing the bond theme. here's what our heroine said about the bond producers:

"I do think they could have waited a bit. If they want a worldwide hit I have them all up here (pointing to her beehive)...I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine – and I am tempted to do it on the same day – this would be the bigger hit."

i've never understood the fascination with 007. he's a spy, he wears a tux, whoop-dee-doo. now, if they had cast clive owen as bond, i might be more tempted to sit through all the "where is the microfiche" silliness. god bless clive!

GET A LOAD OF MY BOND

STFU duffy!

2008-08-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

i was willing to give the other soul singin british white girl, aimee duffy, a chance. screw that! once i heard her rehab ripoff it was game over. duffy's MERCY is like a musak version of rehab written for a tampon commercial. ugh. i'm really developing a pet hatred for this tartlet after reading quotes like this:

"It makes me mad that people keep comparing me to Amy Winehouse and Dusty Springfield...It's just labelling me as something else, without any respect for the struggle, the determination, focus or artistic vision that I have....It's like, 'Whoa, what's that about? Why would I want to be someone else?' Because I really don't. I just want to be me. It's kind of strange and disheartening to be constantly told who I look like, or who I sound like."

what's she moaning about? duffy's "artistic vision" is nothing more than stealing rehab's "no no no" riff and changing it to "yeah yeah yeah". she should be grateful wino gave her such a good idea! i bet her next ballad will be called "love is a winning game".

as for the dusty comment, the woman is a *legend* and deserves more respect.

thought that was barf-inducing? read on! in the next breath she contradicts herself, saying she DOES like to be compared to other artists:

"You do get some people who hit slightly closer to where I'm coming from. I got compared to Diana Ross the other day, which was a real compliment...And someone also wrote that I was the female Otis Redding, which really made me feel good because he's a hero of mine."

diana ross!? otis redding!? #(^!@&#^%&%$^!!!!!

tell me duffy has no resemblence to dusty springfield!!! watch this clip!!! judge on, judgersons!

DUFFY WHINES

auld lang wine

2008-08-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

mark your calenders! blaaake could be out of jail in time for new year! georgette fielder-civil says:

"We’re hoping that his probation officer will advise him to stay with us. If he’s linked with drugs on his weekend visit he will lose the right to come out early...He will be released on December 30 if he’s a good boy. I’ve told him to keep his head down.”

stay with mum and step-dad? no way! wino will wrap her tattooed arms around blaaake's skinny torso and drag him everywhere she goes. blaaake will be transported from one clinch to another!

BLAAAKE OUT BY NEW YEAR

it's alive

2008-08-10T19:46:00.001-07:00

i am skipping "wino week" due to the lack of winehouse related news. it's been boring in camden these days.

how am i supposed to keep a blog going when wino behaves herself? it's been two weeks since our heroine has been spotted in public- nearly a lifetime!

is she wearing a red bra, buying crisps and jumping into a moving convertible at 3 am? nooo...she's going to the studio in broad daylight.

*yawn!*

think of your fans, wino! we need a fix of your brand of crazy!

AMY LEAVES HER FLAT

wino: the video game

2008-08-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

artwork courtesy of alexhughescartoons.co.uk

looking for a way to waste time at work? if you're like me, you've already conquered sushi go round and kindergarten on miniclip games.

now, my pretties, the wait is over-you too can be wino! try out this hilarious little webgame...our cartoon heroine battles superheroes by throwing needles, punchy punching and using her patented beehive attack. help amy save her blaaake from jail!

i think my fave quote has to be, "owh, blimey, my 'ead 'uuuuurts!"

ESCAPE FROM REHAB GAME

WTF wino: rock in rio lisbon, 2008

2008-08-07T13:55:00.001-07:00

watching this performance makes me feel icky and wrong. wino was obviously wasted, her voice completely shot (hey, it happens to the best of singers, but man!). she minced, tripped and staggered around the stage, forgetting lyrics and clutching "throat sweets". the entire set was hideously disturbing, like the sight of some crack-addicted crone entertaining herself on a street corner.

although, considering the lyrics to rehab, it could one day be named as a post-modern masterpiece. in the wake up alone clip, she falls over and drops the microphone @ 1:58...then covers up her embarrassment with false *drunk* bravado. and then, during love is a losing game, she sobs through the entire song.

never mind rock and roll...this is performance art!

all kidding aside, it is sad to see such a talented artist become a parody of herself before the age of 25.

well done wino: addicted, glastonbury 2008

2008-08-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

ok, so wino's set at glasonbury 2008 ended with some punchy punchy and vocals akin to a strangled cat. however, one can't deny the opening number was pretty darned great. the last verse in particular is quite fine.

what really happened?

2008-08-06T13:46:00.005-07:00

this documentary, "what really happened?", makes for really good viewing. it's shocking to see the early footage of wino, plump and powerful, contrasted against her recent state. the interviews with blaaake's father, mitch and the people who knew her as a teenager are fascinating, as is the sound of her voice as she sings for a room of record company execs at age 17.

what a waste, o the humanity.

PART 1 ~ PART 2 ~ PART 3 ~ PART 4 ~ PART 5

tuesday sorbet: RUSSELL BRAND

2008-08-05T09:14:00.009-07:00

wino isn't the only brit with a 'barnet'...today's sorbet honours the genius of russell brand, an actor/comedian/author/tv host/radio personality who will take over north america- MARK MY WORDS. he's wicked famous in the UK, known for his tabloid antics (THE SUN named him "shagger of the year" two years running) sartorial excellence and quaint yet precise victorian vocabulary.

keep your eye out for russell hosting the MTV video awards in september- it's sure to be history in the making!

to experience brand at his best, before he becomes trendy and over-exposed, i suggest the following youtube clips:

to revel in brand's command of language:
RUSSELL'S TAMARA BECKWITH/TABLOID STORY

to laugh over something dirty and uncomfortable:
RUSSELL DISCUSSES INTERNET PORN & "SEAGULLING"

to see why the americans will love ol' russ:
RUSSELL FLIRTS WITH LENO part 1 & part 2

RUSSELL FLIRTS WITH CONAN

to understand the man behind the myth:
DAWN FRENCH INTERVIEWS RUSSELL part 1

the mitch show

2008-08-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

finally! mitch's birthday candle wishes have come true! bbc has recognized senior winehouse's brilliant media manipulation and has lined him up as a guest host on bbc1 radio. i'm feeling lazy today so here's the article with the link below:

WINEHOUSE'S DAD TO HOST BBC SHOW

The cab driver is one of a number of guest presenters signed up by the station to co-host the mid-afternoon slot while Danny Baker goes on holiday.

Also lined up are Apprentice contestant Lucinda Ledgerwood, actor Phil Daniels and singer Katie Melua.

Since his daughter's behaviour became the focus of media attention, Mr Winehouse, 57, has increasingly been on hand to explain her actions.

"Mitch has been a regular contributor to BBC London, calling into our phone-in shows, " said the station's assistant editor Justin Kings.

"He always has something worthwhile to say and a good sense of humour.

"Although Mitch's life is extraordinary because of Amy, he's still a London dad and I think our listeners can relate to him in that way, " Mr Kings added.

In a recent interview with BBC Radio 1 Newsbeat Mr Winehouse said that he had come to accept being in the media spotlight.

"I question my own motives sometimes," he said. "Maybe I like the limelight a bit too much."

Mr Winehouse and the other guest presenters will take turns co-hosting the 1500 to 1700 slot with DJ Gary Crowley between 18 August and 12 September.

MAYBE he likes the limelight a bit too much? i wonder how long it will take for mitch and amy to do an album of jazz standard duets. i can just imagine mitch working out the orchestrations in his mind whilst driving around London. speaking of which, wouldn't it be great to have mitch wino as your cabbie? i bet if you tip him well, he'll sing a verse or two of "rehab".

BBC HIRES MITCH WINO

now that's a spicy meat-a-ball...

2008-08-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

between trips to the hospital and punching grates, wino has managed to write a few ditties...no, not about blaaake keeping his dick wet, but sunday afternoon chefery! behold the leaked lyrics to wino's unnamed track:

"I can cook, chicken soup, meatballs, a good chicken - jerk and fried."

a source says,

"She's working on one track which talks about her upbringing as a Jewish girl. The song brings her back to happier days when she didn't have a care in the world...It's only in its early stages, but Amy is really excited about getting back to what she does best - making great music. The lyrical content is a little off the wall. But Amy writes about what's on her mind - and she goes all out."

here's hoping for a track about her slushie machine and another waxing poetic over hospital bed KFC!

WINO IS COOKIN'

wino week july 28-aug 3: opinions on wino

2008-08-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

when it comes to wino, everyone has an opinion. here's a selection of what celebrities had to say this week:

BRIGITTE NIELSEN:

"The Red Sonja star believes Winehouse, 24, who has been hospitalised several times recently, is ready to self destruct...Nielsen accused the songbird, who is reportedly showing signs of the lung disease Emphysema, of throwing her career and life away with substance abuse. She said: 'I get so sad when I see people like Amy Winehouse destroying themselves. They should get help before it kills them - like I did.'"

SARAH HARDING of GIRLS ALOUD:

“I can’t wait to get out of Camden. I just hate being back there now. It brings back so many unhappy memories...It could do Amy good to get out of there and get a fresh start and perspective...Bless her. I love Amy. She’s a good girl. I’ll look out for her. But I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

JOHN LYDON:

"Poor old Amy. Aimless Winehouse would be a better term. I love all kinds of music but the one thing I have never done is imitate black music in her idiotic way...There's not a single word that means anything. It's not like these songs are deeply moving or inspirational or cultural in any way you could find useful...And the cover up for her which is probably the guilt trip is that she requires vast amounts of drugs to hide the fact that she is fake."

i have nothing against flava flav's ex or the girl's aloud chick, but johnny rotten...puhleez! was he not in a band with sid vicious, a bass player so bad he was overdubbed in the studio!? sid vicious was the quintessential junkie fake and i'm sure lydon doesn't refuse the royalty cheques he receives due to sid's enduring popularity.

who'll be next to express their wino opinion? let's hope it's a varied and exotic list, including the likes of MR. T, little richard, donald trump, charo, elton john, barbra streisand and ru paul.

le freak, so chic

2008-08-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

it's hard inside for a pimp. blaaake will be transferred to a jail in suffolk at his request.

THE SUN reports:

"Blake recently tore down pictures of Amy from his cell walls. And warders feared he might top himself after he burst into floods of tears and screamed: “Why me?”...He has been having counselling from Samaritans but begged staff to move him from Pentonville because he felt suicidal. "

ooo, a good old fashioned jail cell freakout. now that's rock n roll!

psychologists should add "giving up mopping" to their list of early indicators of a breakdown. i apologize for having mocked in a previous post the pentonville prison source/genius. next time i visit someone i love and they have a dirty kitchen floor, i will ask some gentle questions.

wino is apparently searching for a flat to be closer to blaaake. i'm sure her new small town neighbours are going to just love the circus.

AMY SEARCHES FOR SMALL TOWN FLAT

hey...mister spaceman...

2008-08-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

wino's fame is not only worldwide- it is intergalactic!

recent UFO sightings in the uk have created something magical...the shape of amy's head!

a spokesman for betting analysts Blue Square, who are now taking bets on where the next sighting will be, said:

"At first it seemed to be a co-incidence, but after newspapers revealed that the Camden starlet's Grandma had already spoken to Amy from the grave and told her to clear up her act, speculation has increased that this could be an extra-terrestrial intervention."

an ET intervention!? like aliens have any interest in wino! if they're going to communicate with a british rock star, it would be david bowie! starman! ziggy stardust! space oddity! come on!

click on the link to see the alien sighting co-ordinates and to read more on this ridiculousness:

ALIEN PROBE FOR SPACED-OUT WINEHOUSE

mama...oooo...didn't mean, to make you cry...

2008-07-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

the flask is dry. i don't have a drop of smartass-ness left in me today. maybe it's because i started the day reading this sad article about janis's fears about one day turning on the t.v. and finding out her daughter is dead. yikes.

here are some quotes from mama wino's most recent interview:

"I reached the stage with Amy where I planned to ask her where she'd want to be buried. I was serious...The problem is that Amy is so high-profile. If I want an update on what state she's in at any given moment, I just have to turn on the television. Amy's problem is always in my face...There are a lot of people rooting for her. But I know I could turn on the TV and learn the worst."

"Something like this eats into the family and I can see how it could tear people apart. No matter what hurt they've caused they're still your babies. She'll always be my little girl sitting at the window singing...She was never a bad child, I don't suppose many addicts were. It's just they have no realisation it's wrong to do drugs."

janis should have a lifegem made from amy's beehive. i bet there's enough carbon in there to make the crowned jewels!

well i'm depressed now...time for a campari and coke!

JANIS FEARS ONE DAY TURNING ON TELLY TO SEE AMY'S DEAD

off the mop

2008-07-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

blaaake is depressed in jail! omg! what has he done to display his angst? has he cut himself/overdosed/written suicide notes!?

no, my friends, it's even worse!

HE'S OFF THE MOP!

a source at London’s Pentonville Prison said:

“Blake is on the verge of a nervous breakdown...He has stopped his mopping job, which may sound funny, but it gave him something to do. Instead he mopes around his cell."

yes, source at London's Pentonville Prison, it DOES sound funny. ceasing to mop endless jailhouse floors does not indicate a nervous breakdown. blaaake probably has a new penpal to write dirty letters to or has reached the climax of a michael crichton novel.

MOPING BLAKE IS OFF MOP DUTY

well done wino: wake up alone, may 2007

2008-07-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

with so much negative press swirling around, i've decided wednesday is the perfect day for "well done wino", a post dedicated to the good stuff. it's easy to forget our heroine is a musician and not just a cartoon character. o yeah...sometimes she sings...!?

this excellent performance has it all: blaaake in the audience, wino's idiosyncratic skirt-clutch, great vocals (listen for "breath-leess!" in the 2nd verse). one of her best tunes from back to black, in my humble yet loud opinion.

WAKE UP ALONE, SHEPHERD'S BUSH, MAY 2007

and if my daddy thinks i'm fine...

2008-07-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

uh oh. have words been put into mitch's mouth...!? con-TRAH-ver-sy!

THE SUN quoted a source as saying:

“Mitch is furious...He’s certain someone put E in Amy’s drink — and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it...He is convinced that one of her hangers-on was responsible and he's waiting for a toxicology report to show what caused her to fit...If his suspicions are proved right, he wants someone to be punished. He is seriously unhappy about Amy's flat being a stop-over for randoms and wants an end to it."

however, according to gigwise, the story is UNTRUE! mitch denied it all, saying to bbc:

“And I don't know who this source is. But I'm gonna find out."

eek. i'd be afraid of mitch if i were a junkie. his meaty paws look like vice grips. he could snap pete doherty in half as nonchalantly as a 'nice' biscuit.

a final thought...what's the deal with female singers their interferin' daddies these days? britney (ew) & pa, miley (ew) cyrus & billy ray, jessica (ew) simpson and joe...messieurs cobain/morrison/jagger/bowie/staley/doherty/et al. have never stormed into their rock star son's lives and took control of their money, forced them into rehab and made press statements. weird.

THE SAGA CONTINUES

tuesday sorbet: THE ZUTONS

2008-07-29T09:07:00.001-07:00

winehouse is like campari- bitter, slightly repulsive yet strangely delicious. campari goes well with coke...and so does wino. *woh woh*

however, after a few days of campari and coke, i need to cleanse the palate. a british musical sorbet is what i want. something sweet and refreshing, please.

THE ZUTONS rock. they're one of the best british bands ever. abi, centre, plays sax. dave, right, writes and sings the tunes. the others help out. it's heaven.

check out these videos on youtube. they will make you feel good. and yes, they wrote "valerie", wino's hit cover from 2007.

VALERIE

CONFUSION

REMEMBER ME

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS WE DO

the corpse lives

2008-07-29T05:55:00.000-07:00

it must have been the KFC. according to bbc radio 1 newsbeat, wino has returned to her camden flat, looking frail. mitch says she has "scoffed the whole thing".

yay! she'll be back to yelling "blaaake" and terrorizing camden pubs in no time!

instead of posting the grainy shot of amy leaving hospital, i thought i'd add a pic of her from 2004. who is this winehouse?

AMY RETURNS HOME

she's fed up! she's fed up!

2008-07-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

it took merely hours for the tabloid king THE SUN to run a trashy piece, complete with a nasty quote from blaaake's mother, georgette fielder-civil:

“I’m not surprised she’s in hospital again. But all that matters to me right now is our son.”

and a precise one from mr. winehouse:

"she's f***ed up! she's f***ed up!"

later, mitch kindly brought his ailing daughter some dirty bird. lifting up two greasy bags, he stated cryptically:

“This is how serious it is — I’m bringing her some KFC.”

ew. the image of winehouse gnawing at chicken in a hospital bed should not have been put into my mind. it's like a scene from a creepy old pre-war german film. nightmares guaranteed.

MITCH BRINGS WINO KFC

WINO RUSHED TO HOSPITAL

2008-07-28T14:36:00.000-07:00

BREAKING NEWS: according to the Daily Mail, winehouse has been rushed to the accident and emergency ward of an unspecified London hospital.

i'll update as more info comes in and when mitch makes his inevitable statement...

come on, amy! find your will to live, girl!

UPDATE (pic from splashnewsonline):

the Daily Mail has updated their story. it was quite the scene- mitch was there along with crowds of paparazzi, paramedics and police (the 3 P's of fame gone wrong). amy's friends hoisted a blanket around the ambulance to prevent pictures of her face being taken. the only part of our heroine visible were her bare, dirty feet. she has been admitted to University College Hospital, it has been confirmed.

UPDATE (pic from splashnewsonline):

mitch and remi nicole, amy's close friend, engage in a heart to heart. in an interview with the Times Online, mitch described young amy as:

“...extremely high maintenance, not because she needed lots of money spent on her. She’s never been like that. What she really likes is for people to worry about her.”

...indeed.

UPDATE:

Yup, it's the drugs...the legal drugs...

"Amy Winehouse suffered a reaction to medication at home this evening and was taken to the hospital. Doctors have advised that she will be kept under observation overnight and is likely to be released tomorrow," read a statement released by Goodman and Tracey Miller, the 24-year-old's U.S.-based publicist.

AMY ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL IN EMERGENCY DASH

blaaake begs amy to leave london

2008-07-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

yes! only 24 hours into winehousewatch and i have the distinct honour of posting a "blaaake" item! dlisted, that bastion of celebrity gossip, coined the triple-a monicker for fielder-civil, and there's no going back to spelling blake with one A! "blaaake" is an onomatopoeia! "blaaake" is jazz poetry!

anyway, according to mirror.co.uk, mitch winehouse, shy, private man that he is, had this to say:

"Blake totally gets it. He said to me, 'We can't carry on living in London. We need to move out to the country'...If they do they could have the most fantastic life together, with the full blessing of my family. Whatever happens, we won't be where we are now in two years' time."

mitch also claims that amy and blaaake have a pre-nup. let's all exhale a collective sigh of cigarette smoke.

apparently blaaake and mitch have called a truce, agreeing that "taking Amy away from the bad influences that surround her in the city is the only way to rescue her." awwww. the love.

BLAAAKE BEGS AMY TO LEAVE LONDON

wino week july 21-27th: inanimate amys

2008-07-27T12:17:00.001-07:00

winos to the left of me, winos to the right of me...winos before me, made from vegetables! this winehouse sculpture was the winning entry in the "vegetables figure" section of the Lambeth County show in South London. nice eggplant beehive! the below article also outlines wino's friday night out accompanied by vodka, JD, smokes and a scraggly musician (that's our girl!)

AUBERGINE AMY

a wino week without mitch & janis appearing at an event that their daughter doesn't bother to show up to would be incomplete!!

good ol' mitch & janis posed with Madame Tussaud's waxwork in London-gotta give mitch credit for his mobster-esque style. check out the shine on his shoes- and the hold he has on "amy"s wax elbow!

the Daily Mail (i can't help loving that site, it's such good british cheese) ran an unflattering comparison between wax wino and flesh wino:

WAX VS WINO

didn't john cougar mellencamp have a creepy song that went, "blood on the scarecrow, blood on the plow..."? that's the soundtrack in my head each time i read this story about a farmer and his terrifying yet winsome winehouse scarecrow. he is quoted as saying,

"The pigeons are terrified, they're sitting up on the telephone wires too scared to come into the field which is brilliant. Every farmer needs an Amy scarecrow...She's the best scarecrow we've ever had and she's doing a brilliant job. In fact she's doing a better job scaring the birds than she is singing at the moment...I'd be happy to offer her a full time job if she needs one when the singing is over"

SCARECROW AMY SCARES THE BIRDS

wow. there certainly were a lot of false winehouse idols created in the week of july 21-27. is this a subtle hint from the universe that the apocalypse is closer than we think?

what kind of fuckery is this?

2008-07-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

hi all...welcome to winehousewatch. once upon a time, i started a blog with the intentions bringing down michael buble. sadly, contrary to my predictions of a world wide revolution against bad covers of "save the last dance for me", buble remains alive and well, continuing to sing stolen arrangements to stadiums full of cougars. my only comfort in buble's longevity is that emily blunt dumped his arrogant wedding singer butt. anyway, i became weary of blogging without a cause. i have now come to accept a world where buble exists. i'm getting soft in my old age.

fast forward to today. whilst searching for a blog that deals solely in the sordid adventures of the one and only amy winehouse and finding nothing to fulfill me, i thought to myself, "ha! why don't i start a winehouse blog? wino is way more fun than buble...at least i like her music and get a kick out of her daily shenanigans."

so here it is, people. all the links you need to get your weekly, daily or hourly winehouse fix, depending how insane she is and how busy i am.

seeing as today is a sunday and amy rarely misses a saturday night out, we begin with a classic. courtesy of the Daily Mail, marvel as our heroine punches grates and runs through London:

AMY GOES OUT ON A LASH